It's been nearly a year since I nearly killed myself, though I'm still not sure what to make of it. I recently saw the film Girl, Interrupted and was surprised since her failed attempt at the start mirrored mine (hope that helps you understand what it was like), I didn't really have the intent to kill myself, I mean I hadn't planned it, or really given it much thought even though I'd been suffering from depression for several years, been through a lot of crap, but suicide wasn't really the solution for me then though. But that night, everything just got piled on top of me at once, friends had left me, I was getting kicked out of my home, my insomnia was as bad as ever and I had a splitting headache, added onto this I had an final exam at 9am the next day. So...lying awake at 5am, completely exhausted, intense headache and thoroughly depressed, I go to get some painkillers primarily for the headache, I took 2, then 2 more, then some more and I just didn't care...I just wanted all the shit to go away. I took over twice the 24 hour max dosage in about 24 seconds of these double strength tablets...well needless to say the headache disappeared and I felt very peaceful and calm to be honest, almost accepting my fate, but something inside told me to hang on, so I kept myself awake knowing that I may not wake up again if I fell asleep. I couldn't bring myself to go to hospital because I didn't want people to know what I'd done. The next 24 hours were terrible though, I was shaking violently, and throwing up every 5 minutes for 6 hours as my stomach tried to empty itself, had a pain in my stomach after the painkilling effect had worn off and just felt like crap for the days following. I kinda of convinced myself that it was an accident but I knew inside it wasn't, and did a pretty good job of hiding it from people, i guess i was glad I survived then but once again everything is piling on top of me now and there doesn't seem to be any way out.