Last year...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Midnight-Soul, Feb 4, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. It's been nearly a year since I nearly killed myself, though I'm still not sure what to make of it. I recently saw the film Girl, Interrupted and was surprised since her failed attempt at the start mirrored mine (hope that helps you understand what it was like), I didn't really have the intent to kill myself, I mean I hadn't planned it, or really given it much thought even though I'd been suffering from depression for several years, been through a lot of crap, but suicide wasn't really the solution for me then though. But that night, everything just got piled on top of me at once, friends had left me, I was getting kicked out of my home, my insomnia was as bad as ever and I had a splitting headache, added onto this I had an final exam at 9am the next day. So...lying awake at 5am, completely exhausted, intense headache and thoroughly depressed, I go to get some painkillers primarily for the headache, I took 2, then 2 more, then some more and I just didn't care...I just wanted all the shit to go away. I took over twice the 24 hour max dosage in about 24 seconds of these double strength tablets...well needless to say the headache disappeared and I felt very peaceful and calm to be honest, almost accepting my fate, but something inside told me to hang on, so I kept myself awake knowing that I may not wake up again if I fell asleep. I couldn't bring myself to go to hospital because I didn't want people to know what I'd done. The next 24 hours were terrible though, I was shaking violently, and throwing up every 5 minutes for 6 hours as my stomach tried to empty itself, had a pain in my stomach after the painkilling effect had worn off and just felt like crap for the days following.

    I kinda of convinced myself that it was an accident but I knew inside it wasn't, and did a pretty good job of hiding it from people, i guess i was glad I survived then but once again everything is piling on top of me now and there doesn't seem to be any way out.
     
  2. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you have been through such of horrific traumatizing event. My words seem useless in comparison to the pain that you felt and what you are feeling now. Stress is a key factor in a lot of peoples depression, feeling overwhelmed is often the last straw when we have been fighting for so long. Plus the pain afterwards of going through such an event, seeing that pit of blackness and then having to continue on with life, its no wonder many people that attempt suicide and are found repeat it when they feel they have enough energy because it drains you of everything. But you did fight it, and you do have a chance to feel better. I think you know that suicide is not what you really want, what you need (imo) is to reduce the stress you are under. Is there anyone that you can talk to about what happened a year ago? Is there anyway that you can give some of your burden to someone else, or not do it at all? Your health should come first and foremost before any other task...we are nothing without our health. Keep safe!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.