I am not sure if i can c/p a news link or not, so Ill just play it safe and not do it. Last year, My best friend sense I was 11 (I am 22 now..male) Steve died in a drunk driving accident. He was severely intoxicated and fell asleep at the wheel, over corrected and hit a tree doing an estimated 70mph and died on impact (that is what i was told by the state police).
October 5th of this year marks the one year mark of losing my best friend....shit..to be honest my only friend. 4 days after Steve died I was living alone at the time in a rental house in the middle of no where, using marijuana and drinking frequently. Depressed over my job loss a month prior, and now this....I had had enough. This all transpired just 4 days after Steve died. I planned it, I wrote everyone in my family i loved a note. (just my two brothers and my younger sister and my mother) I am not close with my father as he was very physically abusive to me as a child. I having just turned 21 a few months prior had an immense amount of alcohol in my home. I'm talkin' like 8-12 full fifths of hard liquor and probably two or three twenty four packs of beer. Tonight was going to be the night I remember thinking. I started drinking, I had bought a breathalyser online some months back just for fun. All i remember is the brand name was BacTrac. Or something like that. I began to drink beer, then soon switched to a blueberry flavored vodka. I had not used the Breathalyzer yet but estimated my bac to be around .15ish. I put the half empty fifth, and my letters to loved ones on the passenger side of my 2002 jeep chrokee around 12am and drove to a secluded area. It LOOKED secluded but i later found out i was only about a quarter mile into a huge wide open field. I figured at the time it would be a few days before my body was found. I drank a little more then took a breath test, .23 I tossed it out my drivers side window, light a cigarette. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> I in the past had mixed <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> and blacked out hard only taking <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> within a few hours would surely kill me. I remember thinking i was not afraid, in fact. I wanted death badly. I wanted to see my friend, i wanted the pain to be over. I did not think about anyone but myself, It was what Jason wanted (me) and i did not care about the aftermath. I CRAVED death. I want it to happen now and I did not want to wait. I lit one more cigarette and then thats all i remember. This is what happened, or at least what i was told. I was found unconscious laying on the hood of my jeep clutching a watch Steve had left at my house covered in vomit, i became combatant with the person who stopped to check on me around dawn (around 6am) and threatened the guy claiming I had a gun (which i did not..once again, this is what i was TOLD) the police were called (now i remember NONE of this) I got into my jeep and drove down the field further then got out leaving it in drive, cursing up and down...it wasn't going anywhere it was stuck in deep mud. I got out and fell into the mud where an officer picked me up, handcuffed me and called a state police helicopter to rush me to the ER after discovering what was in my truck's passenger seat.
I was released from the hospital two days later. Only remembering driving to the field and lighting that last cigarette just before the black out came on and i dont know what happened or what i did in those 6 hours prior to someone finding me. Well...thats my story...
I do not take any medication at all now, sense his death I have self harmed myself, never stopped drinking, and am now living with my younger sister. She hates that I drink but I find it the only way to escape and forget a little how much I miss Steve and how damn important he was to me.
October 5th of this year marks the one year mark of losing my best friend....shit..to be honest my only friend. 4 days after Steve died I was living alone at the time in a rental house in the middle of no where, using marijuana and drinking frequently. Depressed over my job loss a month prior, and now this....I had had enough. This all transpired just 4 days after Steve died. I planned it, I wrote everyone in my family i loved a note. (just my two brothers and my younger sister and my mother) I am not close with my father as he was very physically abusive to me as a child. I having just turned 21 a few months prior had an immense amount of alcohol in my home. I'm talkin' like 8-12 full fifths of hard liquor and probably two or three twenty four packs of beer. Tonight was going to be the night I remember thinking. I started drinking, I had bought a breathalyser online some months back just for fun. All i remember is the brand name was BacTrac. Or something like that. I began to drink beer, then soon switched to a blueberry flavored vodka. I had not used the Breathalyzer yet but estimated my bac to be around .15ish. I put the half empty fifth, and my letters to loved ones on the passenger side of my 2002 jeep chrokee around 12am and drove to a secluded area. It LOOKED secluded but i later found out i was only about a quarter mile into a huge wide open field. I figured at the time it would be a few days before my body was found. I drank a little more then took a breath test, .23 I tossed it out my drivers side window, light a cigarette. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> I in the past had mixed <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> and blacked out hard only taking <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> within a few hours would surely kill me. I remember thinking i was not afraid, in fact. I wanted death badly. I wanted to see my friend, i wanted the pain to be over. I did not think about anyone but myself, It was what Jason wanted (me) and i did not care about the aftermath. I CRAVED death. I want it to happen now and I did not want to wait. I lit one more cigarette and then thats all i remember. This is what happened, or at least what i was told. I was found unconscious laying on the hood of my jeep clutching a watch Steve had left at my house covered in vomit, i became combatant with the person who stopped to check on me around dawn (around 6am) and threatened the guy claiming I had a gun (which i did not..once again, this is what i was TOLD) the police were called (now i remember NONE of this) I got into my jeep and drove down the field further then got out leaving it in drive, cursing up and down...it wasn't going anywhere it was stuck in deep mud. I got out and fell into the mud where an officer picked me up, handcuffed me and called a state police helicopter to rush me to the ER after discovering what was in my truck's passenger seat.
I was released from the hospital two days later. Only remembering driving to the field and lighting that last cigarette just before the black out came on and i dont know what happened or what i did in those 6 hours prior to someone finding me. Well...thats my story...
I do not take any medication at all now, sense his death I have self harmed myself, never stopped drinking, and am now living with my younger sister. She hates that I drink but I find it the only way to escape and forget a little how much I miss Steve and how damn important he was to me.
