Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Jul 1, 2009.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Tomorrow is Canada day. It is the last time I will see the celebrations from my little town. The last time I will take my children. The last time I will see friendly faces and be in a setting where I am somewhat comfortable in public. The last time we will ohh and ahhh at the beautiful display of fireworks. July 2 my home is officially no longer mine. That was the last thing that could be taken from me. So I have my methods and I plan on my home being the last place I'll see.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Carla :hug:

    I hope you have a lot of fun with your children tomorrow, hopefully it might make you reconsider what you're planning. I'd be really sad if you left us.You mean a lot to us all xxx
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    No hun I just got some texts from a friend that has totally knocked the wind out of me. The one thing that has stopped me from jumping the gun and she just threw it all away for me. I'm not important enough to express feelings and i'm not important to anyone really. And i've been a complete ass for once again letting myself believe I ever was. My ex told me over nad over again I'm an idiot for thinking I was anything at all. He was right. Fuck no reaason to hold on to empty rpomises or make belief dreams anymore. I want to die right now.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I honestly thought nothing else could hurt. But I'm hurting so bad I want to cry and I cant and I want it to stop. I want anybody or anything to make it all stop. And no body can. I have waht I need and no reason not to.
  5. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Your children need you. Don't forget that.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    My children need a mother not me. I'm so fucked up that I'll never get back to being a mom. And me dead gives them atleast a financial future. Another thing I cant provide. And it was one of my kids that hurt me the most tonight. No changing that. I keep lettting myself believe people when they say they wont hirt me, I listne to their empoty promises. I dont want to be hurt anymore. It hurts so bad I acnt even type properoly. I dont!!!!! I cant!!!!!!! I wont!!!!!!!!!
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    And the kicker??????????? Im sitting her wanting to scream oput my feelings MY feelings and cant cuz im afraid it will hurt the person that hurt me. Id rate mysefl as actively suicidal right now and im worried hurting someone else? WTF!!!!! I cant be angrty right, icant hurt right i cant do anything bloody right not for my kids or myself. i want to die!!!!!!
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    thanks i need to go now
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to go to hospital and get help or call crisis get help. Your children need you and you know it. Without you they will suffer a great deal of pain for the rest of their life. Is that what you want. Show them how much you care by getting the help you need to make yourself well so you can be the great mother they will always love and need. Think of their pain they will suffer get yourself help now. I know your pain and the only way is to reach out and get help for yourself do it for your children. Please.
  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    You might not think your a good mother or what your children need but neither does my mother and i love her and know if anything happened to her i couldnt live with myself. Your children are worth staying alive for, trust me, so please get help.
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Carla you know you can reach out to me and that I am here.. I may not be on the forum as much anymore but you have my email and can always get ahold of me..I don't want anything to happen to you, So please reach out and take hold of my hand again..You are a dear friend and I want to keep it that way..
  12. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi Carla, I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. Please don't give up though. You are the best mother your kids could have no matter what may have happened and you are also a good friend to many people here. Your kind words have certainly been a comfort to me at times and I'm sure others here feel the same. SF needs people like you and we are here if you need us. Love and best wishes. Simon.
  13. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Hey Carla,

    Please reconsider getting some help. You have helped me in the past, so please let us return the favour now. I am going to a funeral tomorrow of my friend's mother who comitted suicide. I can tell you that no matter how bad a mother you think you are (and I don't believe that by the way), you are worth much more to them alive than dead. Tomorrow is going to be a really rough day. I wish her mother could have seen the hurt she was going to cause her family and friends before she went through with it! Don't make the same mistake she did. Get help for yourself right now! Please!
  14. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Please Carla, get help while you can. I wish I could promise you you would never be hurt again, but pain is a part of life. I can only wish that things will ease for you and the hurts are at a level you can deal with them. :hug:
  15. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Times up and there is nothing left to do but let go.
  16. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Carla, your kids only have one mother. If you do anything it will devastate them. Don't believe otherwise. You say they will be better off without you but that is not true. I know what a caring person you are. Don't take that caring person away from them.
  17. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member


    Please reconsider. I just came from a friend's mom's funeral on the weekend and I can tell you they are absolutely devastated. Their farewell letters to her shook me like very few things have done in the past. Those feelings of guilt will never pass for them. I don't want to minimize your pain because I know you're sufferinga lot right now. But take away the temptation, go to the hospital right now! Its never too late to try again. My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. It really does. Please reach out to someone. There are a lot of people willing to help, but they can't do anything if you don't let them.

    Please, please, please let us help you change your mind!
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