late night thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shawndale, Jan 23, 2016.

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  1. Shawndale

    Shawndale Active Member

    It's hard for me to get out of bed, to even look in the mirror. Everyday is like this darkness that never seems to end, like there is this small pin hole size light at the end of my tunnel but I can never get even close enough to it. I don't now what to do anymore, I feel like it would be so much easier to just end it all.
    That way I would finally have peace, I would no longer be a burden to this world or the people in it. Every moment I seem to start getting better it seems to just come to a halt, that happiness I was starting to feel turns on me like a rabid dog, chewing on my soul.
    I wont to be better, I want to smile again, not just for a brief moment, but for a lifetime.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum. I am glad you posted your feelings here, we're like one big family here, we all look out for one another and I am sorry you are going through such a tough time in your life. I hope things start to improve soon, if something could change for the better, what would that something be? Good luck to you and we also have a real time chat room the bottom right hand corner!
  3. Shawndale

    Shawndale Active Member

    Thank you for letting me join. It's been really hard just getting through the day. I just want to be happy, I just want to get through a day with out crying.
    I've been in therapy for the last 8 months or so and we are thinking it might be time for medicine to help.
    I'm afraid because I don't want to be a pill popping zombie who is just floating through life.
    My friends have been there, but I feel like I'm more of a burden now then anything.
    I just don't know what to do anymore.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey again shawndale,

    I think medication might be the best idea if therapy is not working for you. Not all medications will turn you into a zombie, plenty of the anti anxiety medications sedate you even when taken correctly so I do understand your fears but there are other meds like anti depressants and mood stabilisers, so I think it is really worth a try, even if it doesn't work out you can say you have tried and sometimes meds and therapy combined can produce fantastic results. Just give it a try, what have you got to lose? Also, make sure to let the prescriber know you would prefer something that doesn't make you drowsy or sedated and hopefully ye can work together.

    I really hope you begin to feel better soon and know we are all here for you.
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Pill popping zombie is far more reminiscent of the "self medicating " with drugs and alcohol than actual meds, particularly just simple depression meds. Not sure what you are being treated for but only the strong anti psychotics typically are really sedating, and there would be no reason to start there, nor do they stay that way long term for the vast majority.

    In reality, when going on meds the first time the 2 results most likely are no /minimal effect (including little no/ side effects - unless you count a dry mouth in morning as an unbearable side effect lol) or improvement. While rare exceptions exist to every rule they are all categorized on the label and things like "rare" which are the "bad" ones are reported in well under 1 out of 100 and often in the order of 3-4 per 1000 (or fewer) patients. Reading the side effects and not bothering to look at just how rare they are is not a good idea, and if by miracle bad luck as happens(and yes - it can happen) then you change meds... far simpler than spending months and years more in pain and misery.

    I would strongly consider trying meds to help you reach a stable platform to work from so you have the strength and ability to get the most out of therapy and energy to make positive changes in your life for true long term lasting results and positive change.
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