And the reason for the delay is that I have been on antabuse for over a year and feel that I will need alcohol to successfully complete the act, and I absolutely do not want to fail, that would be make matters much much worse, although admittedly is difficult to see how things could be any worse. Clearly getting up the nerve to kill myself is much more difficult than I had anticipated. The plan is to use an xxxxxxxxxxx I have no way to obtain xxxx I am afraid that I have become convinced that I will never find a job in my profession, and at 57 will likely have little luck doing anything else. Continuing my life where the daily pain will outweigh the happiness seems quite ridiculous. In addition, the insurance money will be extremely helpful to my family.