Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Terry, Jan 25, 2012.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Old Butch

    John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young pullets, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

    He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

    This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached one to each rooster.
    Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.
    Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

    John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

    When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

    To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
    He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and scurry on to the next one.

    John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

    The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

    Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
    Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni


    My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
    As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

    On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
    'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'

    She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'

    To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
    'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch!'
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Only Children

    I was sitting on a bus behind a mother and her young son.

    Her boy kept looking around and making weird funny faces at me.

    After a few minutes I tired of his antics so I said,

    "When I was a young boy my mother told me that if I made an ugly face it just might stay that way."

    The little bugger replied, "Well, you can't say you weren't warned."
  4. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    :lol!: As always... you'z is a hoot Terry!
  5. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    haha. terry, as always you make me :giggle: or :rofl: so thank you. I especially like the one about the little boy, and the gay flight attendant had me spurting milk out my nose :bleh: so thanks :p
  6. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I have to break out my rofl's now - great story keep writing them. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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