It will be five weeks since we've talked to each other on Friday. (Although I'm sure I text you last week while I was drunk I loved you but bar that, lol.) I feel lost without you. I can't stop thinking about you. I feel numb. I want to try and move on about I can't. I just can't. This place I live in reminds me of you all the time. Everything we did together is just a constant reminder and I want to run away and start again, somewhere with no memories. It's hard not to think about you as I have OCD and the more I try not to think about you, the more you come into my mind. Almost like you're haunting me. That beautiful smile of yours. I couldn't believe a girl like you let a lad like me into your life. I still feel so lucky. You're the most gorgeous person ever and I love you so much. I've told other girls before I've loved them but something was different with you. I saw a future with you. I never had that feeling before. I could have seen myself getting married to you and having kids. That was the difference. But I messed up. My biggest regret of my whole life. I will carry this with me forever. You were my biggest opportunity to be happy and I literally threw it away. I lost my job three weeks ago. I don't even know if you know or even care? I've turned to self harm for the first time in my life, starting doing drugs again and drinking so much alcohol it's unreal. But none of this will get you back. Nothing will get you back now. You've clearly moved on and I'm sorry I hurt you. We had so much potential. I will always love you and there isn't a moment that goes by where I don't miss you. Thank you and I'm sorry.