There is a SVU marathon on today and it is kinda taking me to some dark places... I saw an episode today starring Robin Williams, he plays multiple characters and makes a game of the situation. He gets acquitted of his crime and then goes on as a public hero telling people they should stop being sheep. You later find out it's because he hates police because they wouldn't prosecute the doctor who delivered his child but they both bled out right in front of Robin Williams and died. He gets prepaid cell phone cards and harassing the doctor for 10 years in multiple voices saying things like "you're going to prison, I know you murdered those people". You then find out this drove the doctor to suicide and his note he says "I can't go on like this anymore, God I never meant to kill those people". It shocked me... It brought me to a really weird place. I'm sitting here listening to a story of a mans life falling apart, the worst day of his life and how he drove another man to suicide because he couldn't deal with it. The part where the doctor committed suicide actually brought me to tears, I don't know why... It made me realize I don't think I could ever commit suicide, I never have to live with the pain that these people carry, even though it's fiction but still there have to be people out there that live with darker demons than I do. The next episode came on and it was a girl who was raped, they couldn't prove who did it but then someone came forward and said "when I saw this mans picture in the newspaper I started shaking, he attacked and raped me 40 years ago". I have a lot of problems, but in the grand scheme of things I guess I realize now they are pretty minor. I could never imagine being attacked and beaten, I mean you're supposed to feel safe in the house I can't begin to imagine how traumatizing it must be to open your door and have someone rush you and knock you out. Then you wake up tied down staring at a man with a gun that forces you do things for him. It must to traumatizing to live with that, to see that man when you close your eyes, when you go to sleep, every time someone knocks on the door. Or to hold your wifes hand as she dies from childbirth on what was supposed to be a happy day, a day of life... I don't look at Law and Order the same anymore, I don't look at it as cases to be solved but stories of people who have dealt with horrible things. Horrible, horrible traumatizing things. I don't know. I guess I'm kinda ranting, but my counselor said writing my thoughts would be good for me. I know it's long, and completely irrelevant but if you made it here then thanks for listening.