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Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Pebble, Aug 21, 2010.

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  1. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    Hi sorry for being a pain and asking questions but I was just wondering if anyone could help? I've been taking laxatives for the last month or so, it was just something to help loose weight at first, I've been struggling recently not being able to stop making myself sick and now I've been getting really bad stomach ache with them. I'm kinda stuck now though, even though I know why I'm hurting I still cant stop. Is there something better I can take that will still help me to feel in more control? Omg I feel so screwed up at the moment, I dont feel like I cant stop stuff from happening anymore
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, laxatives won't help you lose weight. As you probably know, purging also won't. Often ED behaviours are not actually about weights, but about some deeper pain that is showing through those behaviours.

    I think its important to see a doctor about this. You will need to wean off your laxatives and its safer to do that under a doctors supervision.

    As for anything else you can take, I don't think there is. Hydration is super important though (but not over hydration).

    If this is truly about control, then the best way to show control is to eat what you want, and when, big amounts, lesser amounts, what food you like. That is true control.

    Do you have any help for these behaviours?
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I haven't been a laxative abuser, I was a purger the other way, but...you could try asking yourself what do laxatives give you- and can you do anything else, as a substitute. I can't tell you what would work as that would be individual to you, and I'm not sure what feelings you are struggling with.

    You sound very ill- you can't control your use. Please, do do go to your GP and tell him about this, they need to keep an eye on your bloods and physical health.

    I feel for you, I used to be completely out of control with b/ping for years....it is a terrifying feeling, all I can say is- a support system that helps you can help contain something that sounds to me, pretty dangerous and could potentially lead to a crisis if not managed.
  4. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    I cant see my dr or any dr about this I dont want any of them to find out, if my dr knows then my cpn will find out and I cant handle that, they already dont trust me at the moment. All they want is for me to take my meds and I cant but they dont understand and dont want to. I am screwing up but I dont know what to do anymore I dont know how to get out of this
  5. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    I am so weak I hate knowing that I've eaten something and feel so fat but I cant not eat - if I was stronger I could just never eat anything. I dont have stomach cramps all of the time throughout the day just every so often in the day
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Why don't you want them to know?

    To be honest, the strongest thing to do is to eat a healthy diet and not trying to compensate for your intake in anyway. Restricting is not strong. Eating is not weak.

    Equally though, struggling with eating (be it over eating, restricting, compensating, etc) is not weak, or not strong, 'it is what it is', but there is help available for problems like these.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2010
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member


    It sounds like there's a difficult relationship going on with your cpn/dr and everyone and you sound very alone and stressed- do you think that's contributing to why you're resorting to laxatives?

    How long has this been going on for? Because that lack of trust is going to mean your life and health is at risk, if people don't know what's going on for you. That's not to say that they help everything,because atm, they sound unhelpful for you :) but basic things like taking bloods and risk assessments are important.

    I remember doing a series of sketches before I used to b/p when I was overwhelmed with binge/purging a few years back. The main thing was, not being too hard on myself if I did/didn't b/p, and drawing how I felt throughout the whole process that was expressed through the b/p rituals I did. I ended up not throwing up at the end of it. I'm not sure if you're willing to try, but if you did, you'd be processing all the feelings you're going through relatively safely and you might not harm yourself at the end of it.

    Do you know the signs of a crisis, if you need to go to A+E and would you go?
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2010
  8. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    I think you should go and see a doctor, eating disorders rarely go away on there own. Eating nothing causes your body to go into starvation mode so the next meal will be stored as fat. Starving also causes your body to cannibalize your muscles for food, your heart muscle!. If you really need to lose fat this is not the way. Small and often is key, it keeps your motablism high burning calories off plus sensible exersise is a healthy way (meal, snack, meal, snack, meal, snack).
    Sorry, i'm sure you don't need a lecture and its not the answer you wanted, think of how you were before this.. go see your doctor. Best wishes.
  9. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    My dr and cpn both hate me - my dr just thinks this is all my fault and my cpn thinks that I'm smart enough to get myself better??If they knew about me taking the laxatives and everything else they would just be more angry. I was told last week that I was seen as being 'at risk' and I dont want them to think that - I dont want to be watched or stopped from doing what I need to do. Problem is though I'm scared of not having control but I'm also scared of having control??That makes no sense though. Through doing what I'm doing I can feel abit better cause I know if I dont do anything just yet at least I'm slowly hurting myself in some way. Sh just isnt enough anymore. I dont eat any bad stuff and when I do eat I try to eat as healthily as possible like salad and stuff. Thanks for your help though guys I just kind of feeling like falling further at the moment.
    What sort of signs do you mean Plates? I dont think I'd ever go to A&E, I know this is all my fault and its just me. the laxatives have only been going on a little while probably about just over a month but I've been struggling with making myself sick for a while. I dont do it all of the time though, I'm sorry I'm so pathetic and stupid
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Your doctor and CPN don't hate you. If they hated you they wouldn't see you anymore, they also would not see you anymore if they thought they couldn't help. So they see you because they think they can help you. It sounds like you have picked certain aspects of what they have said and taken them to heart, possibly missing what they were truly meaning, or you have only heard those parts of what they said, and not looked at the positive things or helpful things they have said. Have you ever tried asking either of them if what you think they think is what they truly think?
  11. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    I wont be seeing my dr again - the last time I saw her she said there was nothing more she could do, she said this after I said I felt I was struggling abit. And my cpn well I dont really get on that well with, she gets annoyed at me for not being able to say something positive about myself and because I cant she said its as though I think she doesnt know what shes saying. I cant explain things or talk to her because she gets annoyed and just says complete opposite. If they knew about the laxatives and sh and being sick she would go crazy or not do anything I just cant risk her doing something
    I am just so scared of everything at the moment and so worried that they are all trying to trip me up
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Pebble this is not your fault. You're not pathetic or stupid. You are suffering. Your psych and CPN passing on guilt to you, getting angry, and making you feel inadequate because (and I can only guess) they aren't equipped to help you better isn't your fault.

    I doubt they will watch you in a psych inpatient setting if you told them you were taking laxatives, they'd ask you questions in an outpatient environment, and hopefully (if not you'd have to ask) them to take regular bloods.

    Signs mean:

    -electrolyte imbalance because of dehydration meaning- if you're getting palpitations, dizzy, fainting etc
    -severe constipation/diarhhea, blood in stools

    and mentally;

    - if you're suicidal, if you feel so consumed with your ED you feel like killing yourself because it's taken over completely.

    I'm not sure if you've heard of MIND, or advocacy support but they might help you get some better understanding/care from your CPN and psychiatrist- because I don't think you're getting everything you need in terms of a safe trusting relationship. Edit: going from your last post, it really seems thing are going wrong with your CPN and psych. They are not supposed to get angry at you because you aren't doing what they want. They are supposed to do their job which is safely monitor you and treat your feelings with respect, and refer you on to the relevant people who are specialists. You are suffering, and it seems like your CPN especially is adding to that.

    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2010
  13. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Have you tried talking to B-EAT?

    I would also maybe see if you can have a different CPN because if you don't click and work well with the one you are seeing it can be detrimental to anyone. You might find that having someone you wokr better with could change how things are for you.

    You didn't choose to be ill. Its not your fault.

    You can only choose what you do with your illness, and by making this thread it shows that you are fighting and that's the important thing to hold onto.
  14. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    If you don't get on with your doctor swap them, get a new one. My doctor's lovely they are there to help if they are not helping you.... swap. By the sounds of it you need to talk to someone you trust about this and get some sound advice. I don't think you are pathetic or stupid.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2010
  15. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys for replying I'm sorry for asking for your help but am really grateful for being able to talk to someone about it.
    I know I dont have an ED and I know how I feel mentally and physically is my fault, I just dont know how or if I can change it. Sorry I didnt mean inpatient stuff - even if someone wanted me in there I wouldnt go - I mean having to see her more often again like before. Now I only see her about once a month. I used to see someone I could talk to she was my dbt therapist but because the year of therapy has now finished I cant see her anymore. I cant tell my cpn anything - one cause part of me doesnt want to but 2 because last week well lets just say I should have been more careful hiding what was in my bag in my app. I've been getting dizzy quite abit lately but just put that down to not feeling a hundred percent and not sleeping much.
    I probably deserve my cpn getting angry with me - I walked out of the last session after she said I obviously thought she didnt know how to do her job, I explained before I left that it wasn't to do with her and that I was grateful for the help its just I'm finding what she wants me to do really hard
  16. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    I'm too scared to talk to a different dr though - what if they're the same? I know how I feel is my fault and I have to sort it one way or another but hearing that from someone else is still really hard and still makes me feel worse
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    They aren't all the same :hug: They can seem to be, but if the people you're with are causing more harm than good it's not worth it, and can be very scary. Your CPN getting angry/defensive and pushing you to do things when you aren't ready does not seem to help you.

    Imagine if you had a great CPN. You could meet her every week and you'd feel safe to tell her things at your own pace. S/he would respect your feelings and where you are at, and wouldn't push you. S/he'd listen to you and know your health inside out and try and work with you, rather than against you. And I imagine your anxiety would lessen too? maybe.


    And all this isn't your fault. You're dealing with things you might not even understand yet, and might become clear with a good therapist.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2010
  18. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    Thanks :hug: I wish I could believe that it wasn't my fault but I really cant - I am just this defective person who cause destruction and unhappiness wherever I turn. I'm meant to be going back to uni in a few weeks - my cpn said that I needed to get myself sorted emotionally before I am able to go back - I hadn't been planning on being around long enough to go back :sad: unfortunately though I hadn't been planning on sticking around to see this weekend but I havent been able to get away to do what I need to do yet. They took a load of tablets off me last week and asked me why I had them - obviously fully aware of why I had them but playing stupid. Why does everyone have to treat you like a kid, I've admitted that I'm struggling but all they say is theres nothing they can do you have to help yourself - I get that honestly I do, you have to sort your own problems out but the reason why I answered some of her questions honestly is because part of me is scared of what the other part wants and I dont know how to help myself at the moment because there is this continual battle going on in my head, but she just says she knows I'm smarter than I'm being and to use my 'Skills' oh yeah and to take the magic pills!!!!Like antidepressants are just going to make it all go away and solve everything
  19. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    Had to go through the whole doctor change thing a while ago, i would never have thought to change my doctor i wouldn't want to hurt the doctors feelings, what if my new doctor was worse etc. Horribly my doctor was got ill bless him, so i got a new one, i see her more and find her easier to talk to. It may be worth some thought if you think it would help, its their job they are there to help you.

    Its not your fault :hugtackles:
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2010
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Yes- you know how you feel, and they aren't giving you what you need, and making out you "should" know what to do/be a certain way when you're accessing their help for a reason. It's as simple as they aren't equipped, trained properly to deal with serious and difficult issues like what you're going through Pebble- that isn't your responsibility. They treat you like that because they just don't get/understand the battle in your head, how you feel about ADs and everything. I've been there.

    You're struggling so badly- your life is in danger, and it doesn't seem like anyone's hearing you........I'm not sure where you live- but is there other support other than your CMHT? A counselling organisation, anything?

    Once you meet the right people who understand what you're going through (and they are out there, whether it be a new CPN, doctor, therapist etc), things can ease off a bit- do you think you'll be able to hang on? Is there anything to hang on to? What keeps you going? I'm glad you're still here. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2010
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