Learning to accept that you are just never going to be like most people

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Aug 4, 2009.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I am trying hard to come to terms with this, not easy at all.
    Trying to cope with it because for so long all I've wanted to do is fit in, it's all I've ever wanted.

    Tried so hard at school to be the popular one - was seen to just be lil miss tried hard and while people did like me, they liked me because they knew they could use me = failed.
    Tried so be the one the boys liked for all the wrong reasons - ended up becoming promiscuous, but rather than picking and choosing I'd sleep with whoever would have me, which in the end just upset me too much = failed.
    Tried so be the fun, outgoing, sociable one - ended up with a drinking problem = failed.

    I've tried to be 'something' in almost every aspect of my life and I've failed, because my depression gets in the way, my 'try hard' nature gets in the way, the fact that I am trying to be something and somebody I am not gets in the way. You can only put up the facade for so long before you revert back to your real self, and that is what has always happened.
    With friends, with family, with work, with school, with boyfriends.

    Now I am just going to try and be myself. I know I am someone that will never be well liked, I will never be the most popular girl or the girl that everybody fancies or the girl that does well at everything. But if I can just be 'normal', with a handful of close friends who understand me and who I understand, a boyfriend who understands me and who I understand, a job I can tolerate and I can finally look in the mirror and not feel sick, then I will have come along way and although I know it's basic human nature to always strive to be better and to fight for something more than what I already have. If I can even get to THAT place that'll bloody be something!
  2. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    That was well said ... I can relate, I was younger by 2 years than everyone in my college program & to fit in & not been seen as the "baby" at 17 yrs old, I had to drink & party & essentially shove my head up my ass. I wore a dangerous attitude & boy, all I got in the end was a drinking problem, a lost job, a nervous breakdown & a shatload of people who like to refer to me as the "Student Ambassdor who jumped overboard". .. nope I should have just stuck to being the bubbly, energetic, hyper active, baby girl I was...
  3. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    I've accepted what I am. It's the people around me that can't accept me.
  4. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    This can seem like a lot to ask for in life..because in the end it is really all anyone wants..underneath their...our.. facades.And you are well liked here!:smile:
  5. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    to me it doent matter what i want to be. im just me and im stuck with it unfortunately. i hate my failures and flaws, but they make me who i am. i know my limits and stay within them. i have a small comfort zone
  6. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Thanks ashes away :) Silly really, I suppose it does seem like a lot. I look around and it seems like everybody BUT me has that. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough.

    I guess what I should've said was 'accepting what you are and what you're not but learning to be happy where you are'.

    There's a huge difference between accepting your mental health issues and staying depressed and suicidal inside the bubble and accepting your mental health issues but stepping outside of that dark place that you're in and trying to fight it and find contentment and happiness. But all the while accepting that it is never going to 'quite be what you want it to be'.

    I suppose that is what I am saying. Something better than nothing.
  7. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    thats a very pessimistic view... but youre right. all we can do is hope for the best and accept what we have. your post made sense but my heads west.
  8. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    lol. I was actually trying to be optimistic.
    I think it's as optimistic as I can get, accepting middle of the road as opposed to brilliant. Which is how I feel like my entire life will be, striving for the mediocre.
    I can't accept what I have, because I have nothing. :(
  9. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    its impossible to have nothing. took your advice bout self analysis
  10. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Probably just that striving for more thing... I can't be happy with what I have, otherwise I wouldn't be depressed. :(

    Self analysis. What did you come up with? People say it isn't good because you can create symptoms that aren't there but I personally think it can help you realise what is wrong with you if you're honest with yourself.
  11. Broken

    Broken Member

    sometimes the mask we wear for the people around us get heavy, sometimes they crack or we drop them. fearing how the people around us would change the way they view us if they saw beneath the mask. im not really trying to advise with this but for me, Im working to change to become someone i would like. Whether the world accepts me for it or not, so long as i do thats enough
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