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leave a comment if you pass by..thks

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by monachang, Nov 21, 2010.

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  1. monachang

    monachang Member

    I'm going to be 20 years old in the end of this year. I plan to commit suicide on the date of my birthday.So I decide to xxxx myself to death..I haven't eat or drink in two days now..The reason why I want to die is because that I think I have lost love from very long time ago..I had a cruel childhood that filled in abuse and hatred,and that nightmare coundn't get out of my head and I have suffered from it very long time..I think I'm a lack of love person,and the cruelty it is I can feel my soul is dying...I don't have the will to live any longer.Right now I'm await to embrace my death hopefully in the near future..So I just think of doing something during this period of time.
    Please leave a comment and tell me what's your thoughts. I really appriciate.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi sorry about your past i understand that. The thing is with therapy you can heal that pain you know You can heal your heart and soul Therapy will get you on a different path one of healing and you will see that you are important and that you have lots of reason to live
    I hope you get help for you i really do because you deserve only KINDNESS okay
    Instead of hurting yourself show kindness to you okay please do something for you something small even
    You are worthy of love and care so please treat yourself well.:pinkrose:
  3. All these mixed emotions

    All these mixed emotions Well-Known Member

    Hello dude or lady

    Sorry about youre situation, but are you really sure that this is the way to go out? This “method” that you wanna do it with, is it even serious? I mean its still some time till you turn 20. Most of us have had a bad time on this (godforsaken) planet. Its in the ABC of growing up...

    I know that there are moments where death sounds like a “master plan” to “solve” youre pain.
    But for suicide there are some things that one should keep in mind; Do you really want to die, ask yourself that.

    And are you alone? Do you think that nobody will miss you? Do they know how you feel about life?'

    oh and btw starving to death is not a easy or comfortable thing to do...

  4. monachang

    monachang Member

    Hi violet,
    Thank you for your reply.Actually today I feel much better now.I think you're totally right.There's a broken piece of my heart.In the second I just thought that I lost the all possibility to love,to be passion,and to feel alive.But right now I'm listening to my beloved music and trying to heal myself within in the music.I can feel I have my passion again,something I would really love to doning within my life.I feel amazingly surprised last few days I was very depressed to death,and today is like a miracle for god sake.I really feel happy now,even I'm still afraind if I would come back to those horrible time.But I decide to accept myself who I really am,no matter good part or bad part.Thank you for your caring words and concerning heart.This forum would bring so much hope and love that you give and bring to us. I plan to return home to my family.It has been so lonely and frustrated for the past 2 years I live alone by myself and no friends at all.Maybe It would be a good start.Thank you so much again.God bless you and all the best luck and wishes for your life<3
  5. monachang

    monachang Member

    Hi dude (or lady),
    Thank you for your post on this and give me lots of thoughts. Frankly apart of me do not want to die in this way at all,and in 2 days I felt desperately painful and thirsty of the torture I did to myself.You're right.It's not a comfortable way to die.(-.-'')
    But through this matter it birng clearer to my mind and right now I feel just fine.(while I start to drink some juice and tea)
    Yes,you're right.I'm not totally alone.My mother,I think she cares about me still,and same as my grandma.The feelings of loneliness have kept killing and distorting me pieces to pieces,and finaly I lost my mind and senses and turn to think I was a creep filled in sorrow and loneliness.Thank you for bringing me the lightness to my mind.I haven't connected to people for how long I couldn't rember since I was dead inside.What I felt about life I'm still comfused,but it's getting clearer and clearer while the time passing by.
    I waste lots of time for the miseries and it had lean me near to grave.and then it has become an addiction to me,influncing me badly.I need to change myself and be truthful to myself,even though it would be difficult.I'm not perfect so does everybody else.I always dream that I could have a sweet and warm family like in moives.But I start to think no one's family is perfect and someone's even worse than my situation.I have to learn the forgiveness,including myself and my family.It would be a long way to go,but if I don't even give a try I will be nothing but a blank paper getting old and yellow colour in time.I want be a paper filled with stories and colours and I don't want to regret and waste in the rest of my life.God bless your life and hope the best happens in your llife.Thank you so much again<3
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad to see you going home to family really the support they can give is beyond care. Music that is truly a healer as well. take care of you okay please You have a lot to give this world yet and alot to receive
  7. All these mixed emotions

    All these mixed emotions Well-Known Member

    This was easy.. little to easy dont you think?

    Im glad youre had a change of mind... most people dont wanna die, they just dont want to live they way they live.

    2 days is nothing, but sometimes thats all you need to reflect over a situation, hehe (im having juce to)

    You seem like a smart person... thinking about stuff like that

    We all loose our sense and minds sometimes and there is nothing wrong with wasting time :)

    But there is still stuff that needs to be done, what brought you to the edge to begin with?

    You seem to blame yourself for some of the things that happened in the past?

    If you ever read this, tell me about your dreams and expectations, maybe we can work with that?

    No problem, I am glad to be of some help...

    “The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world”
    Take care love

  8. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    hey kiddo

    hang in there!!!

    i'm 23 (as of yesterday)!

    i cannot believe i made it this far...it's been one heck of a roller coaster, but things are moving along nicely...i have spent the better part of my life suicidal, and thought i too would die at 20...but i'm glad i didn't...i've had a LOT OF FUN since i turned 20...22 was a really good age, and also the year i was the most suicidal i've ever been...but there were ups and downs, and i had a lot of fun...

    so hang in there thru the tough times, and things will get better...
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi monachang. I hope that you have eaten something and had a drink of water. Your body need nourishment. :hug:
  10. monachang

    monachang Member

    guess I'm back to the starting point again...again and again
    so here's my left pieces in my end of the time

    Feel nothing
    Only emptiness left in my mind
    I can feel my soul crying
    Tears for the darkness left only
    A heartless body

    How I feel
    Evil and fear
    The blank of love
    Deep holes of empty eyes

    God please put me to sleep
    Please let me out of this life
    I lost love
    I can't breathe
    A dead body
    Inside a dying soul wanted to be healed
    Calling for love
    And begging to start all over again

    I'm not afraid of being alone
    But the loneliness of surrounding by you
    I'm not afraid of being sad
    But the fear of smiling no more
    I'm not afraid of being hated
    But the fear of the coldness inside
    I'm not afraid of being careless by you
    But the fear of the heart to love you no more
    I'm not afraid of the death
    But the life without loving you
    and being loved by you

    Fear defeats me
    I'm living in the hell filled with fears
    I'm fearing all creatures
    I'm fearing my body and mind
    I'm fearing my soul is shivering
    Oh how I wish I wanted to enter my lovely home
    without fear but love

    So you win you killed me
    Now my soul is fearless
    Waiting for the sweetness of death
    The happiness of a dying body
    More pain from my body
    More joy release from my soul
    That it will never ever be beaten
  11. All these mixed emotions

    All these mixed emotions Well-Known Member

    I still think you are way to smart to be doing something stupid...

    I hope you can hold yourself, there will be good times, even if it seems far away

    And nicely written... Get youre space and distance without killing...

    The world needs people like you!


  12. monachang

    monachang Member

    Thank you again,and think I'm a smart person..I'm flattered:))
    Today I've googled and found some great words:

    I don't like myself.I'm crazy about myself.

    Our first love and last love is -- self-love

    Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

    To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

    I celebrate myself,and sing myself.

    To love yourself right now,just as you are,is to give yourself heaven.Don't wait until you die.If you wait,you die now.If you love,you live now.

    It's not your job to like me--It's mine.

    Loving youself is healing the world.

    It was such a thunderstorm that hit me,and I figured it out the way more clearly.I NEED TO LOVE MYSELF at first place.My parents don't love me becuase they don't even love themself..and that why it hit me,give me the answer.They had educated me that I didn't know what self-love is it..and it's so important that I had been missing in my life until right now...
    I'm still figuring out and I really NEED TO LEARN FROM OTHER POEPLE.

    You're a sweet person,thank you very much..BIG HUGS:)
  13. monachang

    monachang Member

    Hey thank you for reply..I feel okay right now..I will keep in mind of your words...It helps me a lot,I'm preparing to start to have fun in my life now...I haven't had fun in the past of my life,and that was sad..but I'm glad I'm changing right now.I hope I can have LOTS OF FUN in my 20s..!And I hope you can feel the same way!I really need to start to enjoy my life!
  14. monachang

    monachang Member

    Hi Dave,
    Thanks a lot.I decide to live agian,I maked a salad for dinner today.It was very yummy:mhmm:
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