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Leave me alone?

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#1
I know people mean well, but sometimes they add more stress when already struggling with depression/suicidal ideation. The first time I went through major depression and had an attempt my family and most of my friends had no idea I was in such a bad state until I was in the hospital. I really didn't have a great relationship with my parents at the time and I was single.

Over the years I have gotten closer to my parents. I'm going through a lot right now, suicidal ideation, depression, major life changes, and as much as my parents want to be there for me they stress me out more. My mom becomes hysterical and texts me nonstop. If I don't answer her or don't respond in the way she wants then she immediately starts panicking that I'm about to kill myself. Then my dad will call me to tell me to text/call my mom to calm her down. This is not helpful to me to have to take care of other people when I'm trying to take care of myself. I know she's my mom but I'm an adult. I know my parents feel bad because in a lot of ways they were not there for me in the past when I needed them to be, but there's nothing that can be done about that now.

I have one friend who is training to be a therapist so talking to her has become exhausting. I am your friend, not one of your clients. It's become increasingly more difficult to open up to her because I just can't take the advice giving and the platitudes and shit. I also don't think she is taking the time to truly understand me, it's like she's trying to treat me instead.

I haven't cut off communication with most people, but I am on the verge of doing so. I am trying to find a "nice" way to tell my parents that they need to leave me alone. I know it hurts them to know I'm going through something, but I can't sit up here stressing about them stressing about me. I'm tired of advice from everyone. I just need to figure things out on my own and with my boyfriend since we are partners and living together with the bills and cats and etc.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#2
I completely relate to the therapist friend. It's like they switch into that role and get stuck there.

You're absolutely entitled to set boundaries for yourself and set limits on your own time and space. Your own sanity is always a priority. I get people mean well too, but sometimes they actually don't. I mean your mom panicking like that. It's like her distress is about how what you're going through is affecting her, not how it's affecting you. Do what's right for you and your own well-being & peace of mind.
 

Sad Elf

Well-Known Member
#3
Hi,

I am trying some new things with my parents as whilst I am sure they mean well some of the things they say or do are unhelpful.

So far I have tried
- ' I know you are trying to help but it's making me more anxious, can we have this conversation another time'
- ' I am getting upset and don't want to carry on this congressman's
- ' your comments aren't helpful'

I keep a little crib card by the phone as I get flustered but honestly just need them to be quite. Sometimes they react well and back off, other times it doesn't go as well !!

I hope you find a way to tell them you need space

Thanks
Elf
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#4
I mean your mom panicking like that. It's like her distress is about how what you're going through is affecting her, not how it's affecting
Yup this is exactly it. It becomes about that person. This actually happened before when I was going through counseling for childhood trauma. My therapist said that my parents kept putting it back on them (because they felt they didn't protect me, etc etc) but that is separate from my recovery and shouldn't be the focus. So this is kind of similar.

As for my therapist friend I told them I just need some space and that I don't really want to talk things out with other folks too much anymore because I need to figure things out on my own. I've known her so long she's basically a sister to me so we have other things we can discuss that will be good distractions. I know she means well.

@Sad Elf I think having the talking points written down is a wonderful idea for when I'm too flustered so I really thank you for mentioning that. I did tell her that her anxiety is in turn making me more anxious and not that I don't want her to feel this way, but that I can't really help her with it as I need to help myself. She took it pretty well. This year has really been hard for her in many ways too and she's very lonely so she wants to talk a lot.

Thanks for your responses.
 

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