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leave me alone

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i know im selfish evil shit rubbish weak crappy pathetic
stop lying to me do you think ill change my mind. i know what im doing is wrong. why the hell do you think i stopped tonight.

why can't you understand why can't i make you understand and accept it. why do i have to love you so much so that i cant stand the thought of what im doing to you. its not fucking fair. just leave me alone. delete me from your mind. and your life.


i cant go on. dont make me.

I don't think you're any of those things you've mentioned, are you mad at your friend for saying nice things about you, caring about you, or have I read wrong? I know it's difficult to accept when people say nice things about you, I always have great difficulty in believing people who say nice things but depression hazes our mind into thinking we're a bad person. You're not a bad person. :hug:

lost soul

Oh please don't think like that

I dont think you are any of the things you have said. We cant just delete you from our minds, I know I am new here but I still think this about you, you answer posts and you help people along their ways and offer guidence to help them out. You are a lovely person.
Don't. You don't even know me. How on earth would either of you know im not those things? And I am. For doing this to people I love and nothing anyone says is going to change that. i'm sick of being lied to so stop it OK? The one person I want more than anything to delete me and forget me won't. I'm sick of hurting them. So really. What option do I have -either way leads to hurt. why can't they just be happy for me? and accept it? Why is the fact that I'm doing this to them and proving what a shite person I am, why does that not make them hate me?

lost soul

Oh blueberry

what makes you believe you are these things, what have you done to make you want to deny yourself of friends, people that do want to care.

We all know that this life is the hardest place to be and many of us dont want to exist.

Would you like to talk through pm or msn, I will be here for you.
I am those things. Because of what I'm planning. Because I plan to leave her which will hurt her and because she wants to help me and I still cant be strong enough. I shouldnt have friends its not fair on them and im a crap person to know right now. Its not fair on anyone to talk to me. Its better no one really knows me. Im only here because I'm trying not to let her and others down. And because its not fair to burden her with everything. I know im shit for telling her anything. Seriously im like a disease or something. Can't seem to stop hurting people. sorry.

lost soul

Because you are planning your suicide doesn't mean you are a crap horrible person, it means you are having such a tough time and there is no way you feel like you can tell anyone about it therefore it chews you up inside.

When you talk about her, who do you mean?

I would love to talk to you, I would love to be a friend, and also I would love it if you felt as though you caould trust me enough to to let off steam and try and open up.

Youre not a disease, you are a special person who is hurting so deep inside and cant see a way through the hurt. I have also had serious feelings of suicide and also attempted it too, thankfully it failed.

Please reconsider talking. I will listen.
She is a friend, a really good friend, who for some reason I told because I cant lie to her. I know. Don't tell me. It was a horrible thing to do.

You're wrong you don't want to be my friend.

Trust me its not like I don't want/need people to talk to but i cant bring myself to do it because its not fair on them and ive caused enough already.

I'm crap at opening up. Don't worry about it.
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