I am returning to Italy alone tomorrow. I had come back to the States with my mother because I couldn't stand being around my ex. However, after 3 weeks back here, I realize that there is nothing for me here. I also terribly miss my grandmother who remained out there. In all honesty, these have been a terrible 3 weeks. Without my grandmother here to calm things down, my mother and I argue like crazy. I can't stand her lack of sensitivity and understanding. I think a break away from her will really really help me. HOWEVER, I THINK I AM GOING TO STAY OUT THERE PERMANENTLY. THERE SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM CONVINCING MY GRANDMOTHER TO STAY, BUT HOW DO I BREAK IT TO MY MOTHER THAT I PLAN ON TAKING A BREAK FROM MY EDUCATION AND STAYING OUT THERE???? I just feel like if I remain lonely in Chicago any longer I will commit suicide or something just as bad. Mom doesn't understand this. She thinks I can just be tough or strong and get through it. I no longer can. Although I have my ex in Italy, life is different there. When I go into town, people talk to me and there is a sense of community. There are actually decent looking men who like to give attention and are fairly interesting. Here there is nothing. Everybody is on their own and living for themselves.