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Leaving bad relationships

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by justMe7, Dec 8, 2014.

  1. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    So I wasthinking...

    Sometimes you want to leave a relationship, but if you did you'd leave the person in a difficult position because of ongoing/current situations. So you stay. Then later you want to leave again but more stuff happened/is happening. So you stay.

    Just a word of advice. Leave. It's not just for you, it's for both of you. If you are not living while in a relationship, you need to get out. I wish I had left. Last 2 years I've gone from horrible stunted, to scratching. Now from perfectly clean skin, I'm scarred all over my body. I'll never be able to wear shorts, or tshirts or go swimming in public again. This essentially means all future relationships for me are forfit.

    I only have so much tolerance. I can't wait for the "you're leaving me in shit" war that is coming. The Bring up everything about my life and rip be to shreads in the space of 30 minutes.

    I mind fucked myself into believing in someone who really only cares 60% of the time, and if it's easy. Well this murders what I am. Now I'm permanently fucked. Who the fuck is going to want this body now? No one. But I'd rather live free than around this pile of shit. Oh i,m sure this will be read and it'll be ww3.

    Fuck you.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    My ex boyfriend abused drugs and was very verbally abusive and omg I can't even describe in words how controlling he was. I was with him for my self esteem i.e to say I have a boyfriend. I was so scared of being alone. All he wanted was money,money,money. He left me in April 2013 and I very stupidly just went back like something happened when he clicked his fingers 3 weeks later. I then decided I had enough in September 2013 and realized he was only with me 'cos my mum was paying for a posh apartment for me (us).He screamed at me, made fun of me, insulted me and I just hit my limit and I walked out and never returned. I have learned a very valuable lesson (pun not intended). He hurt me but can no longer hurt me. I'm stuck with bills in my name that are unpaid. Ughhhhhhh. I'm not paying them.

    I am very sorry for what happened to you. I really am 'cos I know what it is like. The fuck you at the end really sums it up. Good luck to you for the future.
  3. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    It's weird. We just got into another massive argument, and she started it right infront of a guest and went full throttle. So reckless...

    I find after an argument I don't want to do or think of anything I care about. Simply because I don't want to associate or jump to the things I care about with the uglyness that is "this".

    This is so fucking hard. I want to bitch but that's irresponsible. I've tried multiple times to make a thread or comment about my situation but I can't. It's no ones business. (I used to in a way rant REALLY hard, but... never specifically believe it or not..) I have to deal with this... I think i needed to say something finally though. To give my real life a voice for once. It's just difficult because it's about someone else, and she deserves her privacy aswell. And I'm not a saint.. but I know there is some major perceptual distortions and a load of other shit that is not normal. I am not going to drain my life anymore. I have to worry about her housing security, my dogs future and myself. Besides that, I am leaving this catastrophic relationship before my freedom gets trampled on further.
    What a mess... the love I wanted to share and touch with is just never going to happen. Well, I guess I got me. That's something to work with atleast.

    Thankyou for sharing your experience.. I am really sorry you've gone through that experience. But it's really nice to know you made it through and are going strong. I wish you the best aswell
  4. packfan

    packfan New Member

    one thing I learned (hopefully) is to stay away from controlling and people who mentally and verbally hurt me. I found that it is better to be alone that to be in that situation. I try to think and work at finding worth in myself, not depending on others to give me a feeling of self-worth. I was very co-dependent and needed someone else in my life to feel good. Yes, I get very lonely at times. I try to keep busy to avoid the feelings. This past year I have been doing positive things for myself, in the past I couldn't be good to myself, could never treat myself to anything. Just last week I bought a new bathrobe, my old one was about 20 years old and was falling apart. It may not sound like much but it was a big step forward for me.
  5. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I'll be honest it hurts. It hurts me, it definitely hurts her.
    I don't believe there is such a thing as a cut and release or however it's thought out to be. The reality is I have responsibilities, even when we separate. Be it for a break, or so we can live our own lives freely. There are many things I am responsible for that I cannot simply abandon. I suppose it comes from being in such a long relationship at this point. But even if it were short,.. "how you leave says everything". I really have no true malice towards her. I just am unable to flourish in this environment at all. And my weight is weighing everything down aswell.
    The problem is maintaining that. I get so flustered now.. I felt for so long that I needed to just run. That I was at my last breaths. Maybe I am, but I want to take my last breaths as who I am, and never hurt the people I care about.
    Words to action. I need to make them one again. In the end, it takes two the tango. I'm just as responsible for the current situations.

    @packfan - I agree with the first part. It's difficult to deal with people who dominant and aggressive lifestyles.
    I can understand getting something just for yourself that you want. :) It's a wonderful step, it's nice to hear you're doing things for you that make you happy. Even if it's just a bathrobe.. I do get what you mean :)