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Leaving Friday, Real good chance

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, May 13, 2009.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    First thing i want or rather wish to say to all mods and admin, is this is not a suicide note.. i dont know what you would want to call it but its diffently not a suicide note as what will happen this friday is not by my hands.. a doctor will perform surgery on me, nothing more. this is basically a recollection of my life or something like that, cause i dont know the outcome of the surgery no more then anyone else here knows it either, that is left up to God and just how good he hears my prayers for peace and death to be with my mom and brother. thanks.

    well, there is a really good chance that this friday i will leave this unloving planet known as earth. That is both a good thing and a bad thing.. the bad thing i will mention first, seeing as how i probably wont be back online here ever again, in fact there is a real good chance of that..so i will mention it here in this post.

    There are some things i regret..

    1 - not being able to make amends with 2 people whom i dearly loved.

    2 - not having the oppertunity to speak with anastia ( spelling of name is probably wrong ) again, she just completly dis-appeared from here, and left me alone and hanging.

    3 - Friends that are here who claim to still be friends with me dont pm me anymore let alone talk with me.

    4 - the way that most my posts or words come out are like i am a bible thumping hyprocrit or something much worse cause i have problems that i battle day by day and yet still believe in god so who-hoo i am a hyprocrit...according to most that is..

    5 - Those who have claimed to be my friends on our local web-site are really not my friend, and the worst part of it all is i thought they were but then when i read some of the things they wrote about me on the other local web-site after i was so called banned, it just goes to show me just how much unloved and a toy i am to them and then of course i am so dumb and stupid that i fail right into their hands. While i have not been here i have been there reading the archives and low and behold how some will say they are my friends then stab me in the back, but i have to admit i did have one perhaps just 2 stand up for me because they knew i could not be there to defend myself..

    6 - i have read a lot of the stupid things i posted both here and there and just realize just how much of a true pathic life i have.

    7 - i really and truly am nothing to the church i attend, and they really could care less on rather i am there or not, they have their own belief and judgement upon me but i dont really care anymore cause i know where i stand with God. nothing else really matters. i have did my part and my share of what he wanted me to do and its time for me to depart..besides its not like i will be missed? yeah, sure a few that have spoken to me will maybe miss me, but time heals everything and in a few weeks or months i will fade away, my memory will just fade away. and i will be no longer remembered.

    now the good...

    1 - I die and will have peace finally.

    2 - i will get to see my mom and older brother and wont never have to leave them again nor will they leave me again cause its forever in the afterlife

    3 - i have no fear cause i been there before and God would not let me stay, he made me come back into this world so full of hate..

    3 good out of all the bad.. thats not very many, but at least its some.
  2. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hi Susan,

    I know the prospect of having surgery is scary & the thought of being put under anaesthetic can unsettle people.

    I guess I'm more concerned about you trying to harm yourself before surgery & that would perhaps increase your chances of something going wrong during the op.

    If you are thinking of going down this route then please I urge to reconsider, if the hospital found out they would cancel your surgery & reschedule for another date.

    Maybe I am way off by thinking that & if I am I apologise, but I have had a number of surgeries myself & always though that would be the ideal way to end it, thinking it would maybe show as an accident. Obviously it didn't work as I am still here today & I honestly don't think I could do that to my body again. The risks I took were absolutely enormous.

    I do hope your op goes well on Friday Susan & I hope that as soon as you are well enough you will post & tell us how it went.

    Take care of yourself.
  3. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Hope it goes well on friday :smile:
  4. thorns_all_over

    thorns_all_over Green Thumb Staff Alumni


    first of all good luck for your surgery. :biggrin:

    Secondly may I ask what kind of surgery it is?
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    hey clair,

    no i am not going to do anything before having it done.. the reason im having it done is because it has to be done every year, and with each year and each removal it might just get worse but then again i went thru it for 2 past years okay, so i should be okay.. at least i hope so.. got a minister taking me so im sure he will be praying before hand.

    Its God who tells me when its my time to go.. and if its my time then well its my time, if not then well i will be back.. and having to do it again next year..

    the lest risks and cancer in my body i have is the better and thats why i have it done each year.
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    thanks hun :hug:

    it is a general surgery to remove some things that are a big risk to my body and me..

    The Admin, mods here have the number where its being done and i am sure will update all here if anyone asks about me, i am sure they would let you all know..

    and on a lighter note, i have asked the admin and mods here to keep it private and i respect they will. some things about a person is personal and mine is and i chose not to post all details out in the open forum. thanks.

    hi grahamd :hug: thanks hun. love ya
    Last edited by a moderator: May 14, 2009
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I hope it goes well :hug:
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    thank you daisy hun.. :hug:

    And Dang,

    I went to church last night ( well tonight its not yet midnight ) and the minister A.W. did not even shake my hand:huh: all this time that i had went to church he has shook my hand but did not do so tonight.. i do hope that if i pass on that he will not let it get to him for not shaking my hand..

    he did speak to me a little so i guess thats one thing...
  9. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I'll be praying for you and good luck!
  10. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hi Susan,

    How are you? I can see you're in a much better state of mind now. I was off this forum for a while because I was not in the mood for depression, as I have things going on.. but now I have improved, and the depression has came back. I want to escape my problems.. too fast, too soon.
    I hope things are different and better, but the things I want will never change for the better.. yes.. never.. it's true.
    I hope that whatever is best for you.. you will have it. God bless you Susan.

  11. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Hey, i hope the surgery goes well. I know it must be a scary and daunting thought, having surgery, i can't even imagine, but you've had it before and you know what to expect. I'm sure all will go fine and you can return to us fit and well :)
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