Leaving her

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Calamity, Aug 7, 2010.

  1. Calamity

    Calamity Member

    I guess I do have a problem, the problem to be able to successfully get over her. She hates me so much now, I've been pestering her for a year I suppose. I know that it was wrong, but these feelings of mine were so scared and desperate. I wanted us to get back together, and I have done a lot of crazy things in the past up till now. I'm going to try to stop talking to her now even though it hurts me like ****. Can I ask a question though? If I disappear from her life, will she think about me sometimes like "I wonder what ever happened to C_______?" Are those thoughts that are likely to occur, we've been together for 2 years, and even though she denies what we had was love, we were both each other's first loves. Shes with an online person now, and is going to see them tomorrow, I want to stop them, but I have no right to do so, and she'll probably get even more furious with me. I would like to end my life, but I'm fighting I suppose. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? I know the saying "If you love someone you will let them go." But what about "If you love someone you will stay with them no matter what happens."? Theres so many things.. I know that I should just listen to what is ideal. Sigh. Life is so messy ever since the break up, all I was trying to do was get back together but I ended up tearing us apart instead, perhaps I'll just listen to what those online websites say and just ignore her.... Can anyone offer me and solid piece of advice? I don't feel that I have power to cope with this, and I would like a little encouragement. Thanks to all who read this, I really appreciate your time in doing so.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i am not great with relationships but i know if you give someone space to find what they truly want give them respect and time perhaps if your relationship was meant to be she will be back. If not time for you to move on okay find someone that can support you and you them equally no use waisting more time on something that won't happen spend that energy on building a new relationship
  3. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Hey, not sure if you'll find this helpful or not:

    I think I've met "the one,"
    but I'm having trouble making her realize this.
    I've been pursuing her for about five months
    (during part of which time she was away at school,
    but we kept in regular contact, at first through
    e-mail and, later, over the phone), and I get the
    sense that she's very guarded about relationships.
    She's *very* goal oriented (which is one of the
    many things I love about her, BTW), and therefore
    very busy, and - I suspect - she's been burned in
    the past, relationship wise. At any rate, on a
    couple of occasions, it felt to me as if things
    were moving forward, and then she backpedaled;
    perhaps she "got spooked," and took a big step
    back to protect herself. Most recently, we were
    out for the first time since she finished school,
    and - insofar as I was able to determine, I was
    getting the green light all night: at a movie, I
    slipped my arm around her and she leaned in,
    resting her head on my shoulder; later, we were at
    a club for a band, and when we were ready to
    leave, she reached across the table and held my
    hand for a while; on the way back to the car, it
    was pretty chilly, and when she complained about
    the chill, I stepped over and hugged her. She
    responded by stepping into it: she pressed her
    face hard into my shoulder, and stepped into full
    body to body contact - hip to hip, shoulder to
    shoulder and everything in between. When we got
    back to her place, I moved to kiss her and she
    shied away such that it would have been
    *extremely* awkward for me to actually do so.
    At any rate, we've gotten together since (in fact,
    I offered to cook dinner for her, and she somehow
    maneuvered it around such that I was *her* guest,
    and she cooked for me) and we talked a while. As I
    said above, I think she got a little spooked. She
    specifically said that she thought the
    relationship could've evolved into something
    romantic, but that it hasn't, and she wasn't sure
    why. At this moment, she says she doesn't believe
    it will. We remain *very* close friends, but I
    still believe she's the one, and I've told her
    that I'm still going to pursue this, and she's
    keen on still spending time together (for her, for
    now, as close friends).
    My question is this: do you believe your program
    can aid me in turning her around on this? If so,
    OK, sit down for this.
    Hold on to something tight, because I'm going
    to yell at you for your own damn good...
    If you were closer, I'd slap you myself.
    Whew. Let me calm myself. As you know, I don't
    usually get so worked up. That makes three
    exclamation marks in one email, and I haven't even
    started lambasting you proper yet. (What is
    lambasting, anyway? And is that how you spell it?
    It's such a great word. I really should look and
    find out.)
    OK, I'm calm.
    NOW, let's have a little talk here...
    The reason why this kind of situation bothers
    me is at least twofold:
    1) Because I've been in it myself about a
    bazillion and a half times, and it sucks to be
    screwing something up and not even realize that
    you're doing it.
    2) I can tell from your email that you actually
    like this girl A LOT, and that she's probably a
    fantastic woman... and I hate to see you working
    so hard against yourself... and screwing this up
    when it's right there in front of you for the
    Before I tell you all the reasons why you most
    DEFINITELY should invest in my Advanced Dating
    Techniques program, let me give you a few pointers
    that might help you STOP screwing this up in the
    OK, back to the basics.
    Let's take this from the top...
    At the very beginning of your email, you said
    something that basically telegraphed EXACTLY what
    was going on here...
    You said "...I think I've met "the one," but
    I'm having trouble making her realize this. I've
    been pursuing her for about five months..."
    You're having trouble making her REALIZE this?
    You've been PURSUING her?
    Do you assume that at some point within the
    NEXT five months that she's going to wake up one
    day and feel a powerful ATTRACTION for you because
    you like to chase her around and tell her how you
    feel about her?
    Normally I'd make fun of you here, and tell you
    that you don't get it... blah blah blah.
    But for some reason I feel like I just have to
    lay things out for you directly.
    Look, man... the reason why she's telling you
    that she "doesn't know why it hasn't evolved into
    something romantic" is that she doesn't FEEL IT.
    She doesn't FEEL IT.
    Get it?
    She doesn't feel ATTRACTION for you.
    And you can't CONVINCE her to feel it by
    chasing her around and telling her how you "feel"
    about her.
    Attraction, as I always say, ISN'T A CHOICE.
    You need to go and get yourself an IN-DEPTH
    education on the topic of creating ATTRACTION.

    Go read my new online eBook "Attraction Isn't A
    This book will take you "behind the scenes" and
    show you how to communicate with women in a way
    that TRIGGERS the attraction... instead of trying
    to be a "nice guy" and CONVINCE her to feel it for
    You can download it right now, and be reading
    it within a few minutes. Go download it here:
    Now, you're acting like most guys who think things
    like: "If she only knew how I felt about her,
    she'd feel the same way" and "If I keep pursuing
    her, she'll eventually see how much I love her"
    Well guess what?
    Right now you are playing what is referred to
    as a "losing game".
    Think of it this way. If you stop on the way
    home from work every day and buy a lottery ticket,
    you'll win once in awhile. Hell, you might even be
    lucky one day and win big.
    But your chances SUCK.
    You're probably going to lose a LOT more than
    you win over time.
    Like I said, you COULD win big. There is a
    chance. But you probably won't. And I mean
    probably with a BIG P.
    I refer to the way that you're acting as "Being
    a Wussy" (that's the technical term... made it up
    When you act like a Wussy, you do things like:
    -Share "feelings"
    -Act submissive
    -Seek approval
    -Pine away
    This is WUSSY behavior.
    It's distinctly FEMININE in nature.
    When guys act like this, they're getting in
    touch with their inner little girl (and she needs
    a spanking in the worst way).
    And are you ready for the WORST, WORST part?
    When you act like this around a woman (and
    ESPECIALLY a "goal oriented" woman who's probably
    smart and powerful like yours) they CANNOT feel
    the emotion of ATTRACTION towards you.
    Women aren't attracted to Wussies.
    This is a UNIVERSAL truth.
    And by the way that you describe your
    relationship with this woman, SHE REALLY WANTS TO
    She's trying, man.
    And she probably KNOWS that you'd be a great
    guy to be in a relationship with... but she just
    doesn't FEEL IT... so she holds back. I'm sure she
    WISHES that she could be attracted to you. I'll
    bet you money.
    Look, you need to STOP acting like a nice
    friend guy Wuss IMMEDIATELY if you want this to
    turn into something.
    You're probably beyond help with this
    particular woman, but I'm going to give you a few
    ideas JUST IN CASE...
    1) Stop calling her all the time (if you do),
    and stop spending so much time with her.
    2) Start dating other women IMMEDIATELY, and
    make sure she knows about it.
    3) Stop being all lovey with her, and don't
    tell her how you "feel about her" anymore. Stop it.
    4) Accept that you will probably be friends
    with her forever, and start acting that way.
    5) Don't try to kiss her or be physical with
    her at ALL anymore until you understand what you're
    Remember, what you're doing ISN'T WORKING.
    If you do these things that I've described, you
    will probably have the best chance of turning this
    NOW, the next thing you need to do is what you
    asked me about in your email... GET MY ADVANCED
    You need a new perspective on this entire
    situation. And you need a new perspective on
    You're obviously a smart guy, and once you
    begin to understand how ATTRACTION works for
    women, you'll change how you behave COMPLETELY.
    Total transformation.
    And the best part is that you won't be changing
    how you act and just "faking it". You'll change
    how you act because you GET IT.
    It's really fantastic to HELP a woman feel that
    magical ATTRACTION for you that she REALLY WANTS
    TO FEEL.
    And it's also amazing to know exactly how to
    get physical with a woman without having to deal
    with the awkward "shy away from the kiss"
    situation that you described in your email.
    I guarantee that when you listen to and/or
    watch my "Advanced Dating Techniques" program,
    it will FOREVER CHANGE how you think about and
    act around women. Period, end of story.