I have made the decision to leave someone so important to me, but also very emotionally abusive. I don't want to go into great detail about him, but I'll say some. For 5 years he felt like my soulmate. I finally found someone who gave the word 'home' a meaning. We became so involved in each other's lives that we knew each other like the back of our hands. A few years ago it was like once he knew I was comfortable, he took off his mask and showed me his real self. I didn't speak up about it until a year ago to my best friend, and after countless nights of explaining, she helped me realize how abusive his behavior is. Things are really bad, but I don't think he knows what point I'm at right now. I can't talk to him about it. I will get yelled at, told the way I feel isn't real, and that he didn't do anything wrong. Then I will start to believe him. So right now, the best thing I can do is silence. We haven't spoken in about a week, and the week prior we barely talked. I am trying so insanely hard to not allow my 'fix it' part of me take over, like it always does. I keep trying to tell myself that what I'm doing is okay. I'm allowed to leave someone who is abusive. But it's so frickin hard. It's so hard. I can't even explain how much I want to call him. Hear his voice. See his face. Have one second of good to outweigh the bad. It hurts so much. You would think I would feel better about leaving someone like this, but I really don't. I feel horrible. I don't know what to do. I feel so incredibly alone. I'm seeing a therapist, who funnily enough I started seeing because of this relationship, but he had to cancel tomorrow's appointment. I was going to use it to talk about this decision and now I don't even know what to do. I can't handle the thoughts and feelings that I'm dealing with. This last week I've been masking them with a substance, but when that wears off I feel worse. I just feel so alone. I think I'm posting here for support and stories of inspiration. I need help. One of the main reasons I held off on leaving him was this feeling of being alone. I knew it would be intense, but I didn't think it would be this intense. It's almost like I feel worse than I did before the decision to leave him and it makes me want to go back.