So I survived a suicide attempt and then somehow managed to convince my therapist I didn't need inpatient - but a partial hospitalization program. Anyways, I absolutely love the partial program. I've met so many really sweet patients I've connected with, and all the therapists and doctors and psychiatrists are sooo kind and helpful. I feel like I've grown a lot. But here's the problem - I'm being discharged on tuesday. Anxiety is one of my core problems, so the idea of going back to 'real life' and 'school' terrifies me. I've found myself worsening behaviors (SI, disordered eating) and I worry I'm doing it intentionally so that I won't get discharged. In DBT we learn not to judge our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, but to accept them, work to understand them, and then decide if their is a more effective way to deal with crises. I'm trying not to judge myself for this, but I feel angry and frustrated towards myself. Why don't I want to get well? What does well even mean to me? I want to want to get better... but I just don't. anyone have any advice? Or simply just an 'I've been there'?