My dad wants to kick me out and I want to leave. I'm 16 (well, almost 17 ). He can't do that and I can't leave. I don't want to live in that house anymore than he wants me there. My dad suggested living off the government for the rest of my life. That really won't get me anything, maybe raped because I'll be forced to live in bad areas. I want something very awful to happen to me. Cancer, being abducted, murdered. But it won't be that easy. It's a crap house anyway- bad memories. I never liked it. I'm not a failure ( i refused to define myself as one), so why am I failing at life? I don't know how much worse it can get. What in the world gives me the will to hold on when things are like this? Why should I even be holding on. Death wouldn't even bring peace to me. There is no peace for me. I have no idea what to do. I don't know how to get a job, I don't know how to take care of myself. And I don't want to. I don't like myself, so what's the sense of working so hard for me? Just life decisions that I don't want to make... I've been slowly losing any sense of security I've had over the past couple of years. I don't feel safe anywhere. I don't feel at home, I don't feel at peace with my environment. And that just makes everything more difficult. My teachers and my grandmother always talked to me as if I was going to be something great. They made me believe that things would be so easy for me, like I would end up in a wonderful profession/ position in life no matter what I did. But it was all just an illusion and a false sense of hope. I need help.