Leaving the house.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lotte, Aug 26, 2012.

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  1. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    My dad wants to kick me out and I want to leave. I'm 16 (well, almost 17 :( ). He can't do that and I can't leave. I don't want to live in that house anymore than he wants me there. My dad suggested living off the government for the rest of my life. That really won't get me anything, maybe raped because I'll be forced to live in bad areas. I want something very awful to happen to me. Cancer, being abducted, murdered. But it won't be that easy. It's a crap house anyway- bad memories. I never liked it. I'm not a failure ( i refused to define myself as one), so why am I failing at life? I don't know how much worse it can get. What in the world gives me the will to hold on when things are like this? Why should I even be holding on. Death wouldn't even bring peace to me. There is no peace for me. I have no idea what to do.

    I don't know how to get a job, I don't know how to take care of myself. And I don't want to. I don't like myself, so what's the sense of working so hard for me? Just life decisions that I don't want to make...

    I've been slowly losing any sense of security I've had over the past couple of years. I don't feel safe anywhere. I don't feel at home, I don't feel at peace with my environment. And that just makes everything more difficult.

    My teachers and my grandmother always talked to me as if I was going to be something great. They made me believe that things would be so easy for me, like I would end up in a wonderful profession/ position in life no matter what I did. But it was all just an illusion and a false sense of hope. I need help.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are only 16 hun a very turbulent time for many teenagers Your grandmother sounds like she loves you very much Is there a councillor at your school you can talk to hun someone you trust to help you get that feeling of security you need. Hugs to you hun
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    You say that you are not a failure but you feel like you are failing. Might I ask you to consider that you are not a failure and you are still just winding up for something wonderful to come? At 16, you have a long way to go and I can look back to that age myself and remember that it was a rough time all around, and for everyone I knew too. The actions of your dad make it sound like he is going through some potential issues and so in his own dismay, though he should be more supportive to his child, he may not be able to fully help the way he's acting. Gravitate toward those who are supportive of you. Use their belief in you to help build up your strength. Dream ahead and use those dreams to set goals. Goals can be very long term, it's never good to be too aggressive and set yourself up for failure. You have plenty of time to achieve the things that will make you complete in life. Stand strong, think positive, and ignore those elements out there that tend to bring you down. You can reach and grab it.
  4. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    I remember when my oldest daughter was young. Her entire 17th year, we fought every day. Yet I always loved her. Every day - even in the moments we were fighting. Her sister fought with my wife every day of her 17th year.
    I think those fights are a normal part of growing up. I know this is not true for everyone. As a survivor of abuse I know very well that some situations are pathological. But at the same time, not all situations are pathological. Knowing the difference requires wisdom impossible to the participants, at least at the time.
    Like total eclipse said, find someone to talk to. If nothing else, your county health department probably has some sort of counseling available.

    And at 16, you have no idea what possibilities exist for you. Make it through the next two years - even if it's just minute-by-minute, and the world opens up.
  5. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    Why is everything so painful :cry: I don't understand and I can't even explain it.
  6. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    I don't think there is any one reason. Sometimes it's just biochemistry. Sometimes it's because we relate it to a prior experience that is painful. Sometimes it's because it just builds on top of other pain. And sometimes I have no idea.
    If I can make an analogy to physical pain, however...
    Pain is a warning to stop doing what hurts.
    Pain doesn't exist in the body part that is being damaged - pain is created in the mind in order to heed that warning.
    Pain can be ignored when it must be - like the mother that flips a car off her trapped child although it tears her muscles apart.
    Pain can replace whatever is in our core and cause rot.
  7. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    My parents expect me to take care of everything. I can't do that. I can't even take care of myself. I can't do it. I can't! Why isn't anybody hearing me. I have to go back to school tomorrow, and honestly I won't be ready at all. If i don't get a hold of my neurologist tonight to allow the school to give me my new meds, I'm screwed. My mom would be so pissed at me and she's already anxious enough as it is. I'm already anxious enough as it is. I have bad memories in that place, and i don't want to go back.
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