Leaving the past in the past

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#2
How can I forget about someone who I once loved who betrayed me
It's like we're twins. This is why I am here.

I don't have any advice, but I can empathize and sympathize, and I know it causes a great deal of pain and sadness. I'm so sorry. It's the worst. I think your subject line is so apt, because I'm having a hard time reconciling with the pain and anger and I haven't let go of it, even though it's behind me now. All this pain and yet, I love him and think of him every day. I just don't know. But I hope you find a way to move on.
 

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#3
Well, there's a least three of us struggling. It's really hard, I've been trying for years. I wasn't hurt but it's complicated. I tend to obsess over people who don't like me, asking myself, why, going over and over things but over the years of dealing with these things, I can say there is no real answer. Maybe it will help to focus on their negative traits if that makes sense? When you fall in love that bond is so hard to break even when bad things happen. I would say, find reasons to be grateful you are free of them. They hurt you, they might have subjected you to even more hurt if you stayed. I don't know your situation but usually there is a reason you are not together (I don't mean anyone's fault but that if you believe in fate, it wasn't meant to be) and find ways to distract yourself, get out and meet people if possible. Is there still a connection between you since you mentioned legal stuff? How long ago is it since it happened?
 

Kmaxey96

Well-Known Member
#4
Well, there's a least three of us struggling. It's really hard, I've been trying for years. I wasn't hurt but it's complicated. I tend to obsess over people who don't like me, asking myself, why, going over and over things but over the years of dealing with these things, I can say there is no real answer. Maybe it will help to focus on their negative traits if that makes sense? When you fall in love that bond is so hard to break even when bad things happen. I would say, find reasons to be grateful you are free of them. They hurt you, they might have subjected you to even more hurt if you stayed. I don't know your situation but usually there is a reason you are not together (I don't mean anyone's fault but that if you believe in fate, it wasn't meant to be) and find ways to distract yourself, get out and meet people if possible. Is there still a connection between you since you mentioned legal stuff? How long ago is it since it happened?
Yea I I understand what your saying about the obsessing part, I think all of us in life just want to be loved and accepted, it gives us a sense of meaning and belong , something I really didn’t have in my childhood. There were a lot of negatives in our relationship, cheating , arguing , physical abuse (never by me, not trying to point blame but I never touched her despite her claims) I get what your saying about distracting yourself , but due to the legal issues I can’t leave my home and I’m only allowed to go to work. Once a week I’m allowed a hour every Thursday to get essential things. The only connection me and her share is my regret for ever meeting her, and myself to forget who I really am. Any contact between me and her and it’s back to the slammer for me . All this happened July 2020
 

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#5
Yea I I understand what your saying about the obsessing part, I think all of us in life just want to be loved and accepted, it gives us a sense of meaning and belong , something I really didn’t have in my childhood. There were a lot of negatives in our relationship, cheating , arguing , physical abuse (never by me, not trying to point blame but I never touched her despite her claims) I get what your saying about distracting yourself , but due to the legal issues I can’t leave my home and I’m only allowed to go to work. Once a week I’m allowed a hour every Thursday to get essential things. The only connection me and her share is my regret for ever meeting her, and myself to forget who I really am. Any contact between me and her and it’s back to the slammer for me . All this happened July 2020
Sorry to hear that, that sounds like some serious stuff happened. It must be really hard for you to think of anything else and I imagine you must have a lot of anger now? Can you get online therapy maybe? Or look into meditation or hypnotherapy? It seems like your situation and being so restricted isn't helping you to move on in any way. Do you have any interests/hobbies that you could develop or think of taking up? I do a lot of painting, but it could be something like getting some bits of equipment and getting into a fitness regime, something like that. My son has started cooking and looking after his diet/fitness since he had a breakdown and that really helps. Think about what interests you.
 

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