Before I start, I need not someone telling me 'your life is not that bad,' or 'it'll get better,' I already know both statements to be completely false, so please, do not belittle me with such comments. Harsh, but true feelings there.
My life. I live a live of darkness. I sit at home, on my computer, on the internet most of the day, if not on a game's console. I only go out to work/school because life debates you need money, and an education, and to certain 'activities,' due to the hidden life I try to live.
On the outside, to many, I have been told I seem warm and bubbily, always there to help people with their problems. Yet, I never have anyone to help. In real life, I have made friends with many people, in the most part, they end up leaving me, or bullying me, driving down my self-confience and ability to feel emotion, turning me into nothing but pulp.
On the inside, I am depressed. I am sick, I am lonely. A man cannot live off internet friendship alone, I do not have someone to hug me when I am upset, I do not have a shoulder to cry on, all it is is words on a screen.
My life has taken a downwards spiral for some years now, leaving me embarassed, harassed, and angry at the world. I have lost my path in religion, I have no real friends, only those who want something off me...I have nothing to live for, as I sit lonely at home.
I have had the discussions, the anger management, the many visits to doctors. I am sick and tired of being told by teachers 'we'll help you through this' only for them, as well as professionals just giving up, putting me off as a whinger, as a waste of time.
Now, you might look at this entire document and think 'geez, life isn't that bad,' but you do not live my life. I am out in the cold, I am the outsider, the loner, the one who never leaves the house unless he needs to. Yet I do not show my emotion, feelings I cannot express it anymore, because of the reactions I have had.
Suicide, is more likely to give my life significance. Please someone, help me in my array of thoughts...I need reason to live, otherwise, what use to life is there?
My work here is done, why wait?
I would like to add, that the only thing that has stopped me dead as of yet is when someone threatened to kill themselves if I killed myself. This was online, since then my life has dwindelled into me becoming cold and emotionless...I am lost....
My life. I live a live of darkness. I sit at home, on my computer, on the internet most of the day, if not on a game's console. I only go out to work/school because life debates you need money, and an education, and to certain 'activities,' due to the hidden life I try to live.
On the outside, to many, I have been told I seem warm and bubbily, always there to help people with their problems. Yet, I never have anyone to help. In real life, I have made friends with many people, in the most part, they end up leaving me, or bullying me, driving down my self-confience and ability to feel emotion, turning me into nothing but pulp.
On the inside, I am depressed. I am sick, I am lonely. A man cannot live off internet friendship alone, I do not have someone to hug me when I am upset, I do not have a shoulder to cry on, all it is is words on a screen.
My life has taken a downwards spiral for some years now, leaving me embarassed, harassed, and angry at the world. I have lost my path in religion, I have no real friends, only those who want something off me...I have nothing to live for, as I sit lonely at home.
I have had the discussions, the anger management, the many visits to doctors. I am sick and tired of being told by teachers 'we'll help you through this' only for them, as well as professionals just giving up, putting me off as a whinger, as a waste of time.
Now, you might look at this entire document and think 'geez, life isn't that bad,' but you do not live my life. I am out in the cold, I am the outsider, the loner, the one who never leaves the house unless he needs to. Yet I do not show my emotion, feelings I cannot express it anymore, because of the reactions I have had.
Suicide, is more likely to give my life significance. Please someone, help me in my array of thoughts...I need reason to live, otherwise, what use to life is there?
My work here is done, why wait?
I would like to add, that the only thing that has stopped me dead as of yet is when someone threatened to kill themselves if I killed myself. This was online, since then my life has dwindelled into me becoming cold and emotionless...I am lost....
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