on saturday was my nephews 1st birthday the whole family was together apart from me. i was left out i was not even told about the party. The feeling of being left out makes me feel cold and alone and wanting to die. the only way to beat this is to cut myself when i am doing this i feel alive and happy. then after i feel even worse the shame of knowing i feel the need to harm myself drives me to do it again. At times i feel my only friend is pain with out it i feel nothing at all.