My label of schizoaffective was changed last year to bipolar1. I have been on Abilify30mgs and Vyvanse40mgs for the past year. I stopped taking Abilify for about four months or so, I'm not sure I have lost track completely. I haven't been taking it and I have not been hearing voices, or hallucinating. But I think I'm dying. My ex boyfriend died in April and I found out he had been injecting heroin. He <mod edit - methods> the day after I came back to get my belongings since I broke up with him a week before. I knocked on the bathroom door to find it closed with him passed out in front of it, and he died the next day, April 13th 2015. He was the only guy who ever listened to anything I had to say. Had been living with him for a month before I moved out. I just took <mod edit - methods>, and I'm feeling shocks. My dad moved out of the house after I was put into jail over losing my friend Lexus in 2013. Even though I was not involved there were allegations by the defense of theft so I got entangled. I was treated poorly and deprived of my anti-psychotics in jail, which led to my decision to stop taking the pills and treating the whateveryoucall it. Because I don't even know what makes me so sick anymore. My dad moved out and left me to take care of my rambling psychotic mom in this big three story house in rural West Virginia, that's falling apart. He comes home sometimes to bring groceries. I have to call him repeatedly so he knows we are out of groceries. He usually leaves the phone off. I have no income or resources of gov. assistance. I just get the money my dad wires each day as allowance/30 dollars. I am probably dying, I think I have cancer or aids. My dad is keeping his new residence a secret from me. But my brother knows where he lives. It hurts. Is that because I'm a woman or because I'm crazy or my friends were loser junkies. apparently all three. I want to die now so that I don't slowly fade into nothing. I have red lumps that hurt on my breasts and I haven't had a period in two months, I feel sick and my body hurts. I either have cancer or AIDs. But the doctor at urgent care didn't know or didn't care. Right now I feel like I'm being shocked around my neck but I don't really care. I wish I had <mod edit - methods> but I couldn't will myself to do it. Mostly because I care about my brother who is 22 and lives in NY city he's successful, I don't want to hurt or lose him. I feel like dying would prove a point, plus I am so depressed...I think I'm dying anyways.