Lesbian or fake lesbian?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Expectation, Jan 26, 2014.

  1. Expectation

    Expectation Active Member

    So, here is the thing. Pretty much my whole sexual/dating life I couldn't figure out if I was a lesbian/bisexual, or straight but wanting to be lesbian/bisexual. When I'm dating a guy, I want nothing more to have a girlfriend, if I'm with a woman, guess what? I want nothing more than a damn boyfriend!
    I honest to god can't tell what I want. I'm not sure if its just because I don't know what I want, or something else. I'm actually kind of(?) seeing this lady right now, and I'm pretty crazy about her, and my head keeps telling me to just kinda chill out, and go with it. I must be at least bisexual if I'm crazy about her, right? I just can't help feeling I'll hurt her because I'll end up missing having a boyfriend here in two months or something.

    I guess what I'm asking is, how can I be happy with one gender? Does anyone else have this kind of issue? How exactly can I tell what gender I prefer? If I prefer a gender? I'm so confused and heartbroken at the same time.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Do you have to choose a gender, or is it more important to be with the right partner regardless of that partner's gender?

    Also, if you are feeling really uncertain about yourself, maybe it's a good time to focus on yourself. Sometimes knowing oneself and learning to be one's own best company allows us to see what we really want in a relationship/partner.

    All the best to you. :)
  3. Expectation

    Expectation Active Member

    I think I worded my post wrong, its not that I want to chose ONE gender, its that I want to stop seeing things as "The grass is always greener" You know? I want to be 100% with just being with one gender. I've took breaks of the dating world before due to this issue, and it never helped, once I thought it was figured out it happens again.

    Thank you for your input though. <3
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Maybe you have simply not met a good match yet - male or female. Also, committing to a relationship requires a lot of emotional intimacy. Sometimes, if we are afraid of committing to someone, it's because we don't quite have that secure level of intimacy, it might be too soon, we might have rushed into the relationship :noidea:.

    You don't necessarily need to take yourself out of the dating scene to focus on figuring out what you like/want. I'd say date lots of people. The more people we date/spend time with, the more easily we can identify the personality type, values, life goals we want a partner to have. Then when we meet someone who matches most of our "wish list," we have fewer concerns that the grass is greener on the other side. :)
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I understand what you mean, I have a friend like that. I'm not sure why, she loves girls but always ends up wanting a man in her life. I guess it would have to do with the way you see them as different? Like what makes you want to go towards a man or a woman when you're in a relationship with someone?

    for my friend it was about his genitals, sorry for being a bit blunt here, and I think that when she was with a woman she didn't use toys so that's why she always went back to a man...

    Also I know some people are polyamorous, meaning they have more than one partner to be happy...could that be you?

    I understand about the other side always being greener, perhaps you need to talk to a psy about it? they could have insight on why you do that? Are you afraid of missing out on something?
  6. Expectation

    Expectation Active Member

    I feel so bad for not replying to this sooner. My life got super busy all of a sudden. Hahah.

    Acy- I kind of think you are right, maybe its just that I really haven't found a good match yet. I'm actually now in a relationship with a woman, the same one I was dating when I posted this a few weeks ago. And, I don't miss men! SO, i would say thats going good. I normally miss the other gender almost instantly. So, this relationship is different. I'll see how it goes. :)

    Morning Rush - I always see men "different" as due to past abuse. When with a man, I see him as more of a "father" figure (as perverted as that sounds) rather than a lover. So, it makes sense why I always want a man in my life, seein as I never grew up with a father, and had lots of "abuse" when it came to men.
    I also have been teasing the idea of Polyamorous, I've looked into it before, and it looks like its something that would fit my "life style" though, I'm very very fearful of that, because I'm actually a very jelouse person, and I hate to share, so it would be one sided, and I'm not sure how i feel about that.

    Thank you guys, ya'll have really made me think.