So, yeah, the other day, I fully intended to kill myself. I had it all planned out: go out, get a hotel room, order a pizza and wash it down with a bottle of vodka and thirty or so sleeping pills and that's all. Fortunately, I calmed down. So, as of now, I'm doing alot better (which should be obvious, since it's impossible to post messages like this from beyond the grave). However, I'm still scared. The depression seems to come and go. I fear what may happen when it comes back. I worry that in a moment of weakness, depression will kill me.