Lesser of two evils?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Itsme:), May 28, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Itsme:)

    Itsme:) Well-Known Member

    I'm 18, my girlfriend is 17 (UK)

    She asked me to get her a scalpel to self harm with (as I am 18 and she can't buy it) i haven't agreed or disagreed to do anything yet if she was just asking me i'd probably just say I couldn't because, well obvious reasons
    But recently she has been overdosing as a form of self harm and well... its a lot more dangerous than cutting

    So is giving her a way of self harming (whilst encouraging proffesional help etc) picking the lesser of two evils to get her through (and into proffessional help) alive? >.<
  2. Green.Triceratops

    Green.Triceratops Account Closed

    I'd say take her to A and E or whatever you have over there because thats kinda manipulative. She needs help you just cant give.
  3. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    I dont think its the lesser of 2 evils hun, both are potentially fatal, the best thing you can do is get her professional help asap xx
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i agree, she is manipulating you, even though i'm sure she loves you and you, her.

    she needs professional help. keep encouraging her in that direction.
  5. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I have to agree that she is manipulating you. It's better to get her some solid professional help, through A&E or the ER.
  6. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Its sad that you would get dragged into this in that way; but the fact that she is reaching out to you in anyway is encouraging. I would just sit her down--hug her, and ask her what the heck is going on. I would then remind her that she is not alone and that you would like to help her in any healthy way possible. But not to give her a tool to either destroy herself a little or completely. Something is up, and if she trusts you this much then perhaps she will trust you with whats wrong. Everything will be alright and people need to hear that from others.
  7. Green.Triceratops

    Green.Triceratops Account Closed

    I like what daphna said. Way to be articulate or w/e.
  8. Itsme:)

    Itsme:) Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all your replies, but... i know she needs proper help, but right now its not going to happen and the overdosing is making her sick, its got to stop
    So surely getting her it is the better option?

    I can't see how she is manipulating me... but even if she is i don't care, i love her
  9. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    WTF!!!??? Loving (?) someone is absolutely no excuse for providing them with a means of self harm which in its extreme could prove fatal.
  10. AlexElm

    AlexElm Well-Known Member

    Please try to get her help. Losing someone you love is a very horrible experience and by helping her you can also save yourself. Daphna is right. Sit down with her and have a talk with her and see what you could do and what's wrong. And one question, why is seeing a therapist now currently not an option? When you lose someone close, it is one of the worst things you'll ever feel so don't you ever give up helping her. Sometimes the smallest help is better than nothing. It's all about baby steps.

    Please keep us posted,
  11. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i dont think shes manipulating you i think shes reaching out,providing her with the tools will make her think you accept the things shes doing,you dont need to accept self harm you need to understand it

    your right overdosing is another way of self harming shes doing what i used to do for me it was hoping i wouldnt wake up
    she needs something from someone she wants to be cared for and noticed
    is she close with her family??
  12. Itsme:)

    Itsme:) Well-Known Member

    Aaron, you miss understood what i said completely.
    I wouldn't be here asking for advice if i was said 'i love her i'm getting her it' I was saying even if she is being manipulative i still love her.

    looiki, thankyou
    i've tried talking, and we do she doesn't go into detail always but we do, i'm so so scared of losing her :(
    and help isn't an option as she is point blank refusing it now

    hollowvoice, thankyou
    she has said that, one night when she wasn't doing as she decided to try stop as she didn't want to worry me she said like 'i hate knowing that i'm definately going to wake up in the morning'
    how did you get through it?
    she is close but can't open up with things relating to this
  13. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i dont know if you ever get through it you just learn to cope
    i was very closed off until i found this site (ironic huh) i learnt to get all my feelings out there wrote down its great to talk about things anoynomously with people who dont judge and who understand
    one night i was in a real bad way and my friend on here talked me through things but i still attempted
    the next day i vowed to her to change my life ,i went back to the docs,i use a drop in centre when im in a low place,i use sf to let everything out

    your gf has to hit a point in her life when she wants to change for herself

    i would sit her down and tell her everything you feel about her and her self harm show her how much she means to you listen without judging ,dont jump straight into therapy let her choose at her own pace she has to want to do it for herself but needs to know theres someone (you) to do it for
  14. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i just wanted to jump in again

    i can tell how much you love her by your original post, and by the follow up

    she may not know she's manipulating you, she is probably suffering along in great emotional pain

    but to imply that it's cutting or overdosing, well those are two equally bad choices.

    i have been cutting for over 30 years. it's a terrible addiction, and yes you get addicted to it. i wouldn't wish anyone to start.

    keep on with the love and gentle support. keep telling her over and over how much she matters, how worthwhile she is, and how you don't want her to hurt herself. .

    reassure her that it does get better. that she doesn't have to keep suffering like this. if she asks how it gets better, slip in an encouraging comment about therapy. hopefully one day she will reach out for that.

    best wishes,

  15. Itsme:)

    Itsme:) Well-Known Member

    Thanks both of you, both dead helpful x

    she hasn't said its one or the other... but she stopped self harming because she couldn't hide it, and it was then she started regulary overdosing
  16. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    Oops sorry.:bottom:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.