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Lesser of two evils?

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Itsme:)

Well-Known Member
#1
I'm 18, my girlfriend is 17 (UK)

She asked me to get her a scalpel to self harm with (as I am 18 and she can't buy it) i haven't agreed or disagreed to do anything yet if she was just asking me i'd probably just say I couldn't because, well obvious reasons
But recently she has been overdosing as a form of self harm and well... its a lot more dangerous than cutting

So is giving her a way of self harming (whilst encouraging proffesional help etc) picking the lesser of two evils to get her through (and into proffessional help) alive? >.<
 

tweetypie

Antiquities Friend
#3
I dont think its the lesser of 2 evils hun, both are potentially fatal, the best thing you can do is get her professional help asap xx
 
#4
i agree, she is manipulating you, even though i'm sure she loves you and you, her.

she needs professional help. keep encouraging her in that direction.
 

Daphna

Well-Known Member
#6
Its sad that you would get dragged into this in that way; but the fact that she is reaching out to you in anyway is encouraging. I would just sit her down--hug her, and ask her what the heck is going on. I would then remind her that she is not alone and that you would like to help her in any healthy way possible. But not to give her a tool to either destroy herself a little or completely. Something is up, and if she trusts you this much then perhaps she will trust you with whats wrong. Everything will be alright and people need to hear that from others.
 

Itsme:)

Well-Known Member
#8
Thanks for all your replies, but... i know she needs proper help, but right now its not going to happen and the overdosing is making her sick, its got to stop
So surely getting her it is the better option?

I can't see how she is manipulating me... but even if she is i don't care, i love her
 

Aaron

Well-Known Member
#9
Thanks for all your replies, but... i know she needs proper help, but right now its not going to happen and the overdosing is making her sick, its got to stop
So surely getting her it is the better option?

I can't see how she is manipulating me... but even if she is i don't care, i love her
WTF!!!??? Loving (?) someone is absolutely no excuse for providing them with a means of self harm which in its extreme could prove fatal.
 

AlexElm

Well-Known Member
#10
Thanks for all your replies, but... i know she needs proper help, but right now its not going to happen and the overdosing is making her sick, its got to stop
So surely getting her it is the better option?

I can't see how she is manipulating me... but even if she is i don't care, i love her
Please try to get her help. Losing someone you love is a very horrible experience and by helping her you can also save yourself. Daphna is right. Sit down with her and have a talk with her and see what you could do and what's wrong. And one question, why is seeing a therapist now currently not an option? When you lose someone close, it is one of the worst things you'll ever feel so don't you ever give up helping her. Sometimes the smallest help is better than nothing. It's all about baby steps.

Please keep us posted,
looiki
 

hollowvoice

Senior Member & Antiquities Friend
#11
i dont think shes manipulating you i think shes reaching out,providing her with the tools will make her think you accept the things shes doing,you dont need to accept self harm you need to understand it

your right overdosing is another way of self harming shes doing what i used to do for me it was hoping i wouldnt wake up
she needs something from someone she wants to be cared for and noticed
is she close with her family??
 

Itsme:)

Well-Known Member
#12
Aaron, you miss understood what i said completely.
I wouldn't be here asking for advice if i was said 'i love her i'm getting her it' I was saying even if she is being manipulative i still love her.

looiki, thankyou
i've tried talking, and we do she doesn't go into detail always but we do, i'm so so scared of losing her :(
and help isn't an option as she is point blank refusing it now

hollowvoice, thankyou
she has said that, one night when she wasn't doing as she decided to try stop as she didn't want to worry me she said like 'i hate knowing that i'm definately going to wake up in the morning'
how did you get through it?
she is close but can't open up with things relating to this
 

hollowvoice

Senior Member & Antiquities Friend
#13
i dont know if you ever get through it you just learn to cope
i was very closed off until i found this site (ironic huh) i learnt to get all my feelings out there wrote down its great to talk about things anoynomously with people who dont judge and who understand
one night i was in a real bad way and my friend on here talked me through things but i still attempted
the next day i vowed to her to change my life ,i went back to the docs,i use a drop in centre when im in a low place,i use sf to let everything out

your gf has to hit a point in her life when she wants to change for herself

i would sit her down and tell her everything you feel about her and her self harm show her how much she means to you listen without judging ,dont jump straight into therapy let her choose at her own pace she has to want to do it for herself but needs to know theres someone (you) to do it for
 
#14
i just wanted to jump in again

i can tell how much you love her by your original post, and by the follow up

she may not know she's manipulating you, she is probably suffering along in great emotional pain

but to imply that it's cutting or overdosing, well those are two equally bad choices.

i have been cutting for over 30 years. it's a terrible addiction, and yes you get addicted to it. i wouldn't wish anyone to start.

keep on with the love and gentle support. keep telling her over and over how much she matters, how worthwhile she is, and how you don't want her to hurt herself. .

reassure her that it does get better. that she doesn't have to keep suffering like this. if she asks how it gets better, slip in an encouraging comment about therapy. hopefully one day she will reach out for that.

best wishes,

c
 

Itsme:)

Well-Known Member
#15
Thanks both of you, both dead helpful x

she hasn't said its one or the other... but she stopped self harming because she couldn't hide it, and it was then she started regulary overdosing
 
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