let it go and move on?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by morning rush, Nov 11, 2013.

  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    about a week ago there were two guys who attacked our building, they rang door bells and threathened to kill/hurt us and they tried to get in with a crow bar, crashing the glass door, the buzzer panel and there was shards of beer bottle all over the place. I was talking with the cops when I thought they had succeeded in getting into the building.

    Anyways I am still shaken by it, and so I think I have a post traumatic shock of some kind...

    and of course you confide with a friend and they tell you: You're still thinking about that? Man you need to let it go and move on, or you'll live in fear forever....

    yeah, exactly what I needed to hear *.* so I said I don't expect you to understand, and it's easy to say not so easy to do...

    my friend flipped on me, saying that if I thought she didn't understand my feelings I was wrong, that she got mugged in a subway before and she didn't stop going there because of it...I said well good for you, but I'm not you...

    idk...I'm stuck between being offended to just shut myself up...maybe I need to just stay alone and never talk to anyone...if I'm going to get friends like that...what's the point?

    don't you think I know I need to get over it? I still go out, I haven't stopped doing that, but I'm more cautious, and I tend to freeze if I see someone in the entrance because what if it's other people crashing things and I walk into that??? it's irrational thinking but I can't help it...just like my anxiety and social phobia, I think most people can't understand that, and their first answer is well get over it...all I want to say is well fuck you...sorry for the fowl language...

    I just feel like crying...what's the point of living like that? and on top no one you know understand what you're going through and so they judge you and make you feel like you're exaggerating...
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    :hug: people are effected differently for a variety of reasons. Is it possible that this expereince may have exasserbated a lot of stuff that was already there under the surface. Issues around safety that were already there? And this just brought them to the surface. Even though it seems like its all about the event that happened recently? Sometimes these horrible events can really rattle things that were beneeth the surface. And it can be a good time to do some work on them with a counselor if possible.

    I have issues around not being heard or believed. I have issues around being told I am wrong or overreacting. So I would have gotten triggered if someone said what your friend said to you. We each are effected in different ways. Because we carry all different baggage. And our bodies have different biology. Your friend may not be wise enough to understand that. I am sorry. It would have been a trigger for me if someone said that.

    So, for what its worth, I personally would not think that "letting it go and moving on" is the best strategy. Because it really is not letting it go. Its just stuffing more. And that doesnt sound very healing at all. :hug:
     
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    My oldest brother recently used an analogy when explaining something to me.

    "How heavy is a glass of water?" - It depends how long you hold it for, it seems heavier the longer you hold on to it.

    The same applies to staying focused on something that is a fear (although it never feels like it is as simple as it sounds). The more you think about it, the more it's going to play and then weigh on your mind.

    Maybe the particular phrase "let it go and move on" isn't the best one to use in the majority of circumstances because of the thoughts and emotions that the individual is going through, but also perception of each person is different - we all take things in a different way. You are right, you are not your friend, and just because they managed to get through their issue, doesn't mean you'll get through yours exactly the same way. It doesn't work like that. However, if there was a chance you could put less time into thinking about it (where possible), you'd spend a little less time in fear of it happening again, and possibly feel slightly differently towards it.

    It's the communication and how things come across between those who are feeling depressed/suffering depression of any variety and those who are able to "get on with life" - that's where the misunderstandings and the "flipping out" comes from, more than anything else.

    I am not trying to make any excuses for your friend flipping out at you - that wasn't necessary, so for that I am sorry. I am just trying to explain why there is a difference. Perception from being involved in a situation is different from the perception of not being involved. It doesn't mean it's right or wrong in either way, but those who don't experience things do not necessarily have no understanding as to how best to approach and overcome it. If that was to be completely true "Oh you've not been through it you don't understand" - I wouldn't have been able to talk 2 people into surviving because they'd experienced things that I hadn't.

    There is also the chance that they can see the whole picture a bit clearer rather than from the insider viewpoint. It isn't impossible. But it still gives no excuse to flip out like they did. However, using their own experience and what they've done to effectively say "I've done it this way, why don't you try?", is again, not the worst thing. But maybe how they handled it wasn't ideal at the time.

    Hope any of this helps. If it doesn't - just disregard it.
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    this is creepy. was it at night or during the day?
     
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    sudut, it happened at night, around midnight.

    I understand but I don't need to be told that and then flip out on me when I don't agree and dare to say something back. If no one says anything, that person will do that to others not knowing it's not helping and might make the person feel worse.

    I'm also not going to talk to that other guy. Because I woke up this morning and realized I am worth more than that. So I will move on in my own way on my own time and I won't give up....

    thank you for replying to my posts, I love to see different ways of seeing things and your comments really help me ponder to see the right way for me :) so THANK YOU!!!
     
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am so glad to read this. I agree. You ARE worth more than that. Great healing in realizing that! Also, movingon in your own way and your own time, not giving up. Thats great. :encouragement::clap2::goodjob::rockon: