i know life is wonderful and amazing and precious but this is not life. it is existing while going insane. why cant i just end it now why must there be all this fucking guilt? i wish no one cared about me and i wish i cared about no one. why can people not understand? if they knew what it was like surely they would why can i not explain it well enough. arghhh i just want them to say its ok they understand and i can go. just want all this to end and im sick of being thsi weak little wreck and a fucking burden.