24 y.o male from ny. first attempted suicide in 2005. have never been the same since. following my one month stay in the hospital after my attempt the only role model, the only person i looked up to, the only father figure in my life, my grandfather passed away from cancer. I truly lost my life at that time. I felt my spirit leave along side my grandfather and I have been wandering aimlessly since then. for 5 years my life has gone nowhere. days pass, nights linger and i lie hopeless without purpose. living not in fear nor joy. but in a state of complete emptiness where all emotion comes to rest. i've talked to no one about my problems. i keep everything to myself. Its hard for me to open up to people. i smoke cannabis to get me through the day to sleep and so that i may be somewhat sociable as well as to forget about my problems. without my greens im a clam. i keep to myself. shut out the rest of the world and go about whats left of this "gift". i dont know what i came here to find. im not even sure if im really looking for something. i guess its just nice to know that im not alone.