Let myself down big time

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Petal, Oct 17, 2015.

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  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am not a cutter per say but occasionally it does happen. I last cut in the summer of 2012 until last night I ran out of coping mechanisms and cut my forearm twice. I am thinking a lot about rapist, i now he is not worth even a milisecond of my time but it's getting to me. My mom found me in a distressed state on her break from work and saw me crying and bleeding, she cleaned all the blood off and promised to find me somewhere to live away from this village. I feel extremely bad for her to have to see me in that state but at the same time i'm glad she was there.

    I am sorry for letting you (yes you reading this) down.
     
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Petal, You did Not let me down, I do not feel You have let anyone down! I can not speak for anyone else, No, We have let you down, when I say we, I mean society, letting things like that commit their horrors on children or adults. No Petal you owe us nothing at all! We have Failed to protect the young, the unknowing and the unaware. Any time someone like that commits an act like that and gets away with it, or even if punished, that never takes the hurt and the Bad feelings away, shame on all of us. I am sorry Petal, for our failure to protect You! You bear no Blame or fault in any part of this, You were an innocent! I am sorry you have lost that an That you still Suffer by that Act! I am sorry you hurt so Bad!
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Hey, you didn't let anyone down. Don't worry about anyone else right now, just focus on yourself. You are going through a lot and we are here to support you. Please reach out when you are feeling bad, I know it can be hard to resist self-destructive behaviors at times, but we will help get you through it.
     
  4. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Hey Petal you didn't let anybody down. Remember how you treated me a few nights ago when I self harmed, that's how you need to be treating yourself right now, with compassion and understanding, not judgement. I also gave in to self harming again last night, I understand how when everything seems out of control it feels like a logical option. The important thing is that we keep getting back up, no one is a failure who keeps trying. As always I am here for you the same way you have always been there for me:)
     
  5. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    You didn't let anyone down Petal. I do feel really sad that you suffer with this too. It's not really right for me to offer you advise you on this, though i would say look what you have overcome. Look forward Petal :).
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2015
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thank you all for your kind words. I have not self harmed since, I am in a better frame of mind. I cannot wait to move out of this crap hole, I was not mentally ill in any shape or form when i was in the uk, so i know the problem is where i am living, at least i can identify the issue. Thanks again.
     
  7. Special-Agent-Gibbs

    Special-Agent-Gibbs Safety and Support SF Pro SF Supporter

    Hi Petal-

    You did not let me down either. I am sorry you are struggling I know what its like to struggle with cutting. Its not easy I too have relapsed a couple times. I know what you are going through.

    Please stay strong!

    -Special Agent Gibbs
     
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