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Lets bore everyone

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by ezi, Mar 7, 2011.

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  1. ezi

    ezi Member

    So, deep in debt to the kind of people who dont accept normal answers.
    5am, write notes, take xxxxxxxxxxx. Back to bed, curl up with my wife who i love so very much, incredibly selfish but wanted to sleep for ever with her seeing as thats the only safe place. Peace at last, what a wonderful feeling, goodnight and goodbye world.
    Wake up three days later, all a blur, need a smoke!
    Cant believe she saved me, only just apparently, cant help feeling angry.
    Now have to face what I wanted myself and my family to escape, except its worse than ever now.
    Day in psych ward, decide I'm not nuts but made a rational decision, all be it not the accepted one - nobody has a better solution!
    Even bed has become a bad place, cant get to sleep and when I do its just bad dreams and waking every hour. No escape 24 hours a day now, have become the living dead.
    Sorry no moral to this story, other than had I done it half hour earlier and I'd be gone now. Does everyone feel this way?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 7, 2011
  2. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    I think I know where you're coming from. In my case, it's "What if I had used a different combination of drugs when I tried?" and "Would I be alone long enough to let the combination kill me?"

    I failed in life, and I failed in death. I'm still living with that.

    I like that you're called either a "successful" suicide or a "failed" suicide. It's like they want you to feel worse about it.

    I just have nightmares all the time now. It's a terrible pain.
  3. ezi

    ezi Member

    You are so very right.
    I have woken after another disturbed night with a dread of the coming day, the sun is shining and all should be good but it isn't.
    My combination was perfect it seems, just 30 minutes short of a peaceful escape from the torture which as you rightly say is now even greater and inescapable.
    I "failed" because of intervention and will learn from this and get my timing right. I hope you find an escape from the nightmares.
  4. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    what do you have nightmares about?
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    your debt wont be gone if you kill yourself, your wife is going to be left with it.
    Do you really want to do taht to her?
    What country are you in? What debt services are there? budgetting companies, companies that freeze your debt and allocate how much you can afford to pay back. ok its not a quick fix, but it will get you out.
    Debt is crippling, and is a very high stress thing. but it can be dealt with.
    Dont leave your family with it, stay and fight and live a long life
  6. ezi

    ezi Member

    Interesting thoughts, these are abnormal but personal debts, they will go with me not be left behind. They are not with people who subscibe to debt management etc!
    Try to understand, its for my family, they have a free life without me though far from ideal.
    Not looking for help or advice no matter how well meant but thanks.
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    But, no debt people really offer debt management, its seperate companies who do. and then talk to the other companies on your behalf, its what i am doing right now.
    And personal debt or not, if you have family, your debt will be passed onto them. the people at your registered address will be left to pay your debt.

    And if your trying to say its loan sharks you owe to, well then your family would be in a worse possition, as they definitely dont just go ok hes gone, we'll leave it. it will still knock onto your family.

    Theyre are ways of dealing with this, and we here can help you through it
  8. memo

    memo Member

    Dude, you got urself a wife, it's family.- Don't ever, EVER, leave them.
    I found this question useful, in days where shit overloads ma head:
    "would i keep on living life even i i don't have my family, friends and daily current life?"
    answer is: FUCK YEAH DUDE!
    why? cuz life even when everything is FUBAR, it's worth living it.
    every small moment and smile from the people you love, al the hugs in bed with ur wife, everything, you should be able to notice the love you're getting.
    don't off urself man. hope this makes u think.:mellow:
  9. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Wow, really? I'd say the opposite to that question. They're the only reasons I don't try anything. >_>

    "Love" seems to be the last of TC's problems. But I don't get it, your post is very vague, but what do you mean when you say you wanted you and your family to "escape" through your actions? What exactly was your plan?
  10. memo

    memo Member

    Seems I didn't got the post right. :sorry:
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