Let's Go, I'm Ready.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MonkeyCadet, Oct 26, 2012.

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  1. MonkeyCadet

    MonkeyCadet Member

    I have it all planned out, it's just a matter of when. <Mod Edit - Acy - methods> I know how to get there... I'm going to go, at one point or another. I knew a long time ago, I just finally accepted it now and I'm ready. <Mod Edit - Acy - methods> Straight like that. Gone. No good-byes, no nothing. Just. Gone. Where's my mind at.... Gone as well.... I haven't even left yet but it has.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2012
  2. Nevergiveup

    Nevergiveup Member

    Please don't do that it would make sad people who care about you and me too...
    You are a clever and nice person, you're not alone and if you need help in any way, i'm here ! We can find a solution together :hug:
  3. foundit

    foundit Member

    Sorry if the answer to my question you have already posted elsewhere (I dont get online a lot due to really crap connection), but can I ask what has brought you to this point you are at now? And why you decided to post your plans? I am asking out of genuine interest. I would also like to say as nevergiveup has - dont do it... at least dont do it yet - you will always have tomorrow to do this, but once you do, you cant take it back if it turned out to be the wrong decision....

    I am asking what brought you here, as I think if I were in your shoes - if people posted just saying 'dont do it'then i would be feeling like 'its ok for them to say that - they arent dealing with what i am'. In other words I accept that there may be things going on in your life (well not may be, probably must be - if you are at this point) that you feel leave you with no other realistic option. Thats why I am hoping you can share something of how you got to where you are. It may be that someone - not necessarily me - but someone here - has been where you are in the past and can offer some useful, practical advice for you.

    And as above, - you will always have the opportunity to end it all - if you dont do it today - you will (unfortunately :( ) - still be able to make that decision tomorrow, or the next day or the one after. So what harm in postponing for a bit, to see what pans out in the meanwhile?

    If your personal situation is one you arent comfortable sharing, you dont need to tell me, and anyone else who reads it, all the gory details, maybe you could describe your situation in a way that is very vague and doesnt identify you and your personal situation, - just describes how you are feeling

    These are just examples as I (obviously) have no idea what your own situation is. But if you dont want to share it in any detail you could just use phrases like
    "someone let me down"
    'health problems'
    'a long term destructive relationship' )

    - to me those examples wouldn't reveal any of your own personal situation, but would give me and others here enough info to be able to - if we had been in a similar situation, - maybe post back and let you know how we dealt with it.

    Anyone else reading this who is feeling really low because of some specific events in their life right now which are really personal - could maybe also use the above sort of description if they dont want to go into any detail - but would like to see what other peoples experiences have been

    Anyway - i hope you will reply - you are welcome to pm me if you wish - or post here, with a little bit of background info on how you ended up at the point where you decided to post the message you have posted here, and I really hope you will wait a little while and see if anyone can help you deal with whatever is going on, before you do something that you cannot reverse, or return from.
  4. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    Monkey please tell us what's causing you to feel this way, my inbox is always open for a chat if you need to talk off the main board :hug:
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    What's going on Monkey? Please talk to us about what is going on for you right now, so we can help you to find a solution that involves you keeping safe and hopefully feeling better :hug:
  6. MonkeyCadet

    MonkeyCadet Member

    I had.... Well... I had a really bad trigger last night, and it was my second breakdown of the day... My mom almost walked in on me when I was in the middle of s/h and I freaked, not at her, but I kept my cool while she was in my room... And then after she left, I literally lost it, I had a mental breakdown like no other... I just took it out on myself again... And I was terrified. I've had a lot of things bottled up inside for a long time now... My whole life. I was the one people would go to to vent, to yell, to share their sad stories, and how they felt. But when it came to the time where I needed someone, no one was willing. And that started off early for me, and I knew what it was like to be on the other side of someone venting, it sucked. But me being the person I am, I made it my goal, to tend to others before I tended to myself. And that's how I've been my whole life. I'm only 17 and I've had my manager tell me that I've had the same stress a 30 year old should have.... (this was after talking to him for a bit) And it's true... Maybe not that much, but it sure as hell feels like that... I've not once had someone actually listen to me after asking if I was okay. If I answer no then they just give me some stupid excuse why they don't wanna deal with me. So I just tell them what they wanna hear "Oh, I'm fine" "not in the greatest mood but that's just fam stuff" "had a rough day at work" that sorta stuff.... Not even skimming what's going on inside... And I just feed everyone I know lies, to make sure they don't have to put up with me, and I can still help them. It's a rough life... And that's not even the half of it >.<

    P.S. I am feeling better than what I was last night... I think that was just in the heat of the moment, and I apologize if I did worry anyone.. For this morning... I'm feeling alright... Where ever you wanna put that tho... It's not too good. Oh well, I'll do what I've always done, work on a fake smile, and just go for the ride.
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