I hope people bare with this post cause its 2 a.m and i just need to get this off my chest, its probably going to suck, and not make a lot of sense. Bit of background... Last year, 15th Nov, I moved interstate, to move in with a girl id only meet once...a lot of people would say it was stupid and a foolish thing to do, and believe me I thought twice about buying that plane ticket. I moved on a gamble to find love, and for the first couple months it was a rocky ride, almost moved back twice and things werent going so well. Then, things changed for the better, I dont know what triggered it, but all of a sudden a fog lifted and our relationship actually started feeling like a relationship. Over the last few months ive watched her anxiety subside, depression lift and her life move forward in leaps and bounds. Financially, we are struggling, I lost my job 3 weeks ago, and she is finding it difficult to get regular shifts so the bank balance is shrinking right now, but in every other respect its good between us.... Tonight she comes into my room (yes we have seperate rooms) while i was gaming, pretty much thats what ive been doing since i lost the job, and she tells me she wants to study music abroad.... Naturally we speak about our future together, what paths in life we want to take and ive always been forthright in telling her I want to travel a lot more and possibly live overseas myself, but this came as a surprise to me. What she wants to do would involve 6 months living overseas and pretty intensive study. Me being me, ive drawn the natural conclusion. Its gonna be over soon and its inevitable. Six months of living with other muso's on campus in another country.... Yes im not the most confident person in the world, and my reaction to the news is classic MJ - Sabotage. So instead of saying things will work out, and ill move with u (which id love to do) all im focused on is the loss thats bound to come. A loss thats really gonna fuck me up. What she plans to do is hellishly expensive, and more of a dream at this point than a certain reality, but it just feels inevitable to me, she will leave, sooner or later, and I cant see a day after that worth living. Partially because shes gone, and partially because I know ill give up, ill go into full hermit mode and that will essentially be my life until I end it. She says she loves me, and we are lucky to have each other etc, and rather unusually the impromptu sex got a workout...we hugged, we kissed, thats always when it feels right to me, and after all that we left it at "lets just see what happens..." I know what will happen, my life ends on that day.