Rants and let-outs are NOT stupid. We are hear for you at this crummy, upsetting time. Oftentimes, I think my post is awfully dumb and wasteful; but had to do it to feel better FOR ME!!!! Remember that much. TLA
Thankyou both.:hug: I just feel so...:cry: I mean I'm a christian. I'm supposed to forgive. I've been working on that for years. I'm also not suppose to swear. I do when I'm angry but I'm not supposed to. I felt that my post was counter productive because I just let loose. Also, today I saw a guy on TV who was the same build etc and looked just like the man who raped me. Now I'm shaking and feeling so unsafe, even though I know I am safe really. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. Oh GOd please make it stop. Oh man you're probably sick of hearing me whining on about the same bloody thing day after day. I'm sick of it so why shouldn't you be? :cry:
Star, even Jesus lost it sometimes (the money lenders in the temple). Why should you forgive ? You have had no closure from this and until you do forgiveness will just have to take a back seat. Of course you're going to be thinking you saw your attacker, this is all being stirred up from you pressing charges. All the stuff from the past is being churned up in your mind and with that comes the fear you experienced. As to whining, how is being afraid and stirred up by the past whining? My God if it is..then I've been whinging for years :laugh: Stop beating yourself up and that's an ORDER !!!
I read a good book by Dennis and Matt Linn (I think) called "Don't Forgive Too Soon". They are Christians and argue that you have to go through the same stages as with mourning over forgiveness... ie denial, anger etc You can't just forgive without having worked it through cos then it's not real. They also argue a good case for the turning the other cheek thing... it's v powerful... a bit like Ghandi, who didn't just sit back and take crap but showed his strength (and won) by his active non-violence. It's a really good book and I heartily recommend it. Sarah
A really good point Shygirl. Apparently Mother Theresa was a right tartar when she needed to be and no one can dispute (she's up for sainthood) that she was a wonderful person.
Re: Letter To Him! Good points shygirl and Dev. I'll look up that book. It makes sense that forgiveness would be a process. I guess I'm in the anger stage then. blech! I guess I'm just impatient...but his arrest is something I dread and long for at the same time.
Hey Star, I agree with Dev., We are here to listen, support and encourage. BE PROUD!! At least you will be able to try to do some criminal work againist the perp. Many of us (me!!) wish I had the guts long ago to do that. I would have healed me so greatly. So, when you start paniciky or shaking...just think how you will feel in the near future when you can finally sigh and relax a little. We are here to care when you are weak. TLA
Hun, venting helps us...it lets out what we bottle up and it hurts and then you stuff more until the pain is so bad because we hold it in and blame ourselves, but we are the ones who were hurt, we aren't the bad one or the wrong one. We have a right to feel, and need, love, live. I know it's really hard, and I am fighting that type of thing right now. and I understand it feels so impossible sometimes...but we can't give up...the work on feeling better and recovery of all this, it may be hard, but we can have "ourselves" back. It'll be ok...we will make it hun. I am here for you if you evfer wanna chat or talk I am here for you.... big hugs :hug: :hug: :hug: -Carolyn
Awwww, you're being so kind just as I have to leave SF (I've explained better in my other post that you replied to). I've wanted to get to know you for a while. You remind me of my Best Bud C. Grrrr...this is wierd timing. Oh, well, I guess it can't be helped. HUGE HUGS back at ya sweetie. Take care. StarFish
