letter to my nan

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crybaby, Apr 5, 2010.

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  1. crybaby

    crybaby New Member

    I just don’t know what to do or think. Its like no one understands me, they don’t know what im going through, I put on a brave face but im dying inside. Im suicidal and no one notices im depressed or angry cause I pretend im happy, but i could easily take a whole pack of paracetamol and be dead by morning, no one would notice, cause im the bad person, I always the wrong one. I haven’t even done nothing wrong… I go out, what teenager doesn’t? its not like im out all night, I don’t drink or take drugs… but sometimes I wish I did cuase atleast I wouldn’t remember any of this, and then you would have a reason to be angry and upset with me. im confined to my room. I disrespect people in this house? I haven’t done anything wrong. Im the stress that will put you back in hospital? But what stress do I put on you when I don’t do hardly anything wrong… do you ask me how im feeling when I look upset? Do you even wonder why I left that job… the real reason, No, because you assume its ‘cause I cant be assed’. Only one person understands me in my life… and you wont even take the time to get to know him cause ‘im not aload boyfriend’ cause im only 17 and ‘its not love’. He has had a big impact on me, a great impact, but you are not noticing it… you only notice the bad stuff… cause I can only do bad stuff. People like me just arnt worth it I suppose, im only one person, that happened to fall into your lap and you had to look after me… im sorry im not better, im sorry im not beautiful or anything, im sorry im not smart, im sorry im not talented. Im sorry my head is all messed up and you don’t even realise… the only people that really care are Tyson and luke, and as iv said before your to stubborn to get to know him, and Tyson is just snother fuck up… like the rest of us… but sorry I was born, sorry I was forced upon you, becase if I could go back to being in my mums tummy, I would have aborted myself.
  2. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    :hug: just wanted you to know i read this, and im here if you ever want to talk
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Parents sometimes don't see don't hear they are too busy with their own crap to even notice. You like many teenagers out there feel ignored not understood the truth is parents are so fearful these days because of what is out there. You parent may not show their love for you the way you would like it but if they didn't care or love you they would let you go do anything they wouldn't set boundaries to keep you safe. In one year you will be an adult and you will perhaps move out go to college get a job of your liking but know the love is there maybe overprotected love but there okay I hope that you can communicate more how you are feeling to a councillor a teacher a doctor okay so you can get the help to understand Maybe even write a note to your parent and just say how you are feeling and that you need help. take care.
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