Letter to myself

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ~PinkElephants~, Mar 11, 2007.

  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I was going to post this in the dear thread but because it's going to be somewhat long I created a new thread.

    Dear Me,

    For the past 10 years you have wasted your life, you have lived in such hate, such pain, and such denial ofneeding help that you are slowly killing yourself. You have let people walk all over you, abuse you, treat you like shit, and you've idly stood by and endured it. Why are you so weak? Why do you let people treat you like shit? For five years you let your mother tell you you were worthless, you were fat, and you would never amount to anything, why did you let her do that to you? Why do you believe all those things she's said to you? why couldn't you be stronger and tell her you knew you'd be something? Instead you sat by, let the years pass, and realized that she was right. She told you all those things and because you are a weak, feeble minded bitch you have become waht she said you would, nothing. Because you let her get to you you are such a closeminded, harsh, nasty bitch. You are mean to people, you treat people like shit, you are vindictive, you are basically becoming her!! Why did you let this happen?!

    You have let so much eat you up inside, you have pushed so much down inside your mind, trying to subdue the pain. You haven't been willing to seek help because you don't feel you deserve the help. You don't feel like you are worth anything good, and you know why?!! Because you have let things get to you, let things people say eat you upside until you felt nothing. Why do you feel like you are worthless? Why do you feel like you don't deserve love? Why did you let yourself get raped?? Why do you let people use you? Why do you cut up your arms just to feel alive? Why are you such a lost cause?! Look, bitch, why aren't you trying to get better?! Why have you let 10 years go by and not once asked for help from anyone?! Youve found this site and you still won't ask for help?! WHYYYY?!! Why are you so harsh to people? Why do you treat people like shit? Why do you let people's words effect you so much? Why do you let them get to you?! They are just words!!! WORDS!! They are worthless don't let them get to you!!!

    Dear Me, why are you such a worthless piece of shit?! Why don't you just get over yourself? Why does he love you and why can't you see why? WHy can't you see that you are special? Why can't you see that you are worth his love?! Why can't you see it?! He says you are one of a kind, that he's never felt this way about anyone, but why can't you see what he sees in you?!! Why are you crying right now?! YOUR WEAK!! WEAK!! Wipe the fuckin tears away you weak bitch! Crying is for people who are weak!! Shut the fuck up and quit your blubbing...shut the fuck up!!

    WHY WON"T MY MIND SHUT UP!!! ​
     
  2. letdown

    letdown Guest

    Whatliesbeneath, I hear your struggle with yourself. The words your mother said and the effect they have on you isn't your fault. One thing I learnt in counselling is that when people are abusive, the people being abused start to absorb everything and blame themselves when the responsibility over those words don't lie with you, they lie with them :hug: I also don't think it's a simple case of "letting" yourself be hurt...it can become a natural reaction without you thinking about it. It can all stem from having absolutely no self worth which stems from your mother's treatment of you :hug: When you feel like you are nothing and not deserving love, the only thing you feel is wanting to hurt yourself and others.

    But you are something, you are not what your mother has said. Your mother said those things for all sorts of complex reasons which are not your fault.

    Please take care of yourself. Do you think you'd be willing or in a position to ask for help from counsellors or therapists soon?

    You're in no way a lost cause.
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    He loves you cos you are funny and bright and generally loveable..and you have the most incredible burp I've ever heard:laugh:
     
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Oh i ditto that lol. Especially about the burp :laugh: plus ya got a awesome laugh :tongue:

    Love ya sweetie :hug: