letter to myself

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by daisylea, May 24, 2012.

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  1. daisylea

    daisylea Member

    i ruin everything and im so fucking selfish. i hate my skin, i hate how bony and manly my arms are, i hate how my stomach looks, i hate that i have a scar from every fucking bruise or scratch ive ever gotten cause my fucking skin isnt normal. i hate my hair, oh i hate my hair so much. i hate my fucking ugly ass nose, i got it pierced and still hte it. i hate my mouth and how my teeth look, i look like a fucking beaver
    god im so fucking ugly why me
    i try so hard to look good and fit in with people and for the most part it fucking works thats the crazy thing. half the time i dont even feel ugly, everyone thinks im actually really conceited and i have it so good. NO. FUCK ME. I HATE MYSELF. no one knows how much time or effort i put into making myself look ACCEPTABLE, not even to the public but to me. im fucking garbage without my makeup and extensions and clothes. i spend all my money and my parents money on material things i dont give a FUCK about just so that i can feel worth something. i feel worthless without nice things. im sick of people thinking i have it easy, nd that im lazy. when i do try i get no credit nd fail anyways because im a fucking FAILURE. nothing but a failure i fail at everything i do and good lord im so fucking clumsy.... everything i do is sloppy. i write sloppy. walk sloppy, drop everything, shit my hands are fucking ugly too cnt believe i forgot that one.
    i hate how i am with guys, i cant have a normal relationship with a guy without thinking about fucking him once. fuck is wrong with me im such a selfish *****. ive had sex with 7 guys, only 2 of which i was in a relationship. one being my ex roomates boyfriend. i fell in love with him like an idiot in complete love with him idk if it was him or the dick but i think about him all day every day why cant i stop why why why i hate myself. why cant i be normal and have a normal fucking relationship? because im fucking ugly and everyone knows im not good enough. riding dick is all ill be good for. and spending money. why do i even bother with school I SUCK AT IT just like everything else. i laugh and smile play the party girl hippy role whatever everyone in the world thinks i dont give a fuck and its not like that IM JUST AFRAID TO TRY. i cry so much and im so weak inside and everyone thinks im so strong and live this princess life when i just wanna get away nd be happy. why am i such aa liar. i lie about everything and get myself into shit now im screwed. i just want real friends that dont use me someone who actually loves me not even relationship type love just someone i can be friends with that truly accepts me for me not who i portray or who i am when im drunk high or naked someone who loves lea for lea but no one wll ever love me for me because im not going to ever be good enough.

    i hate myself. i want to end it all.
    just your typical selfish vain insecure slutbag american female ranting about all the problems she created for her fucking self like the fuck up that she is. sorry for wasting your time people
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Dasiylea :hug: that is an enormous amount of anger. I am sorry that you feel so out of control and that nobody knows or appreciates who you are or the struggles you go through. It seems as though you are very much overwhelmed by these feelings; this level of self hate and anger at yourself is very likely undeserved. I do not know you and will not presume to advise, but please know that you are being heard, that we care, and that if you want to talk you can PM me or hop into chat (I am usually there around this time).

    Please take care :hug:
  3. Gimiq

    Gimiq Well-Known Member

    If you have not already you should put a post on the welcone section . Use it to tell people about yourself; likes, dislikes and be honest. Im sure u will find people who have experienced what u have. Also all those things you siad you wanted, all good things and so youyou cant be worthless.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2012
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