I have been trying, i have been trying really fucking hard to get better, therapy, every med out there, group therapy, hospitals....been there done it. But, you know what, I still think about killing myself, I still feel horrendous pain, I still have no one in my life, i can't get over the abuse I suffered, and I cant go back into denial over it, I lost my job, about to lose my house, and I feel helpless to turn any of this around, I have no motivation any more, death seems like the only answer, and I am ashamed to say that, because it is a cowardly thing to do from the outside looking in, but it hurts too damn much to keep breathing when every damn morning I wake up and am pissed that I have to make it through another day. I literally start crying about two minutes after I wake up in the morning. And that is the best part of my day.