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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Mar 5, 2010.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I am trying to write an email to my psychiatrist asking him to talk to my parents once I am gone, to help them, to explain it to them, but I am not sure what to say, but he is the person I want to be there for my parents, even if they end up getting mad at him and try to blame him. I just want to somehow know that my family will have someone to talk to once I am gone.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know this isn't what you want to hear. But nothing will ease the pain your parents will be in if you're gone. That pain is something that won't go away, no matter what your doctor says to them.

    Can you email him instead about how you're feeling, and maybe talk to your family about what you're going through?
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    not too good with words right now, so i'll keep it simple

    please stay
  4. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Talking does not help anymore, I have told them all what I am feeling, how it hurts, how I feel this ache, this void, this emptiness. I have said it over and over. There is nothing anyone can do to fix that. I have tried to fix it, i cant do it. I want my doctor to help my parents understand it was not their fault. I know I am going to hurt everyone, so I just want people to know that I am sorry and they can help one another get over my death. I am trying to do the right thing. I got all my belongings taken care of, all my financial affairs are in order, there will not be a big mess for anyone to have to take care of, they will just have to bury me.
  5. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I have to agree with WC.

    I may deal with voices on a daily basis.. but nothing can prepare my family for what will inevitably happen to me...

    Right now the voices are telling me to shut down communications with important people. Right now, your feeling the same way.

    Don't shut yourself down. Talk to your psychologist and family. Get them on your side.
  6. Mattius459

    Mattius459 Member

    I'm sorry but you are an idiot if you think that 'getting your affairs in order' is going to help them deal with your death. Suicide will make your family weird for the rest of their lives. Suicide will leave an open wound on them for the rest of their lives. Suicide is the ugliest thing that can happen to a human. It is unsettling on all levels. You are so so naive to think that your death can in any way be simplified or clean. If you were truly in such pain, you wouldn't wish it upon anyone, and yet your passing would be the action that sets others on the course of despair.

    I don't have any advice on how to climb out of the cycle that you are in, but I do know one thing:

    Even if you are feeling there is no hope. Even if you don't see a way out. Even if you do not see any possible resolution. Accept the fact that you could be wrong! Realize that just because YOU don't see the solution, it doesn't mean that there isn't one. Thomas Edison failed more than 1000 times before he invented the light bulb that we know today. Keep trying, over and over and over. What if you could come back here in a couple of years and you were a success story? What if you could help people out of their own misery? Do you know how valuable that would be?

    The world needs people that try and try again. Keep trying! We can help you along the way!
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't want to upset you but parents will never 'get over' the death of their child....
    I have spoken to many parents who are the survivors of suicide and I am also one...
    the pain is indescribable and it never ends......our lives are changed forever for the worse..
    please reconsider and try again to fix whatever it is that's wrong....
    stay safe...
  8. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    fuck you for saying I m not really in pain. fuck you.
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    would you believe ME when i tell you i know the kind of pain your feeling?

    you don't bullshit me, i don't bullshit you

    you once told me "Get help. NOW."

    take you own advice - talk to your therapist - make the call - do whatever you have to do the get help

    we will be here to back you up

    just borrow some strength from us and make the call

  10. I'd like you to be a bit brave now and try and talk to someone about this a bit. Like my friend Violet has said, "You want to be rid of the pain and the sadness, not the life." How can we throw out life before even truly understanding this great and fleeting gift? Both of my parents committed suicide. They both experienced a lot of abandonment and abuse. They never had the chance to heal and to see what this life really is. It's really sad.

    I hope you might contact one of us personally and start a little dialogue. As for me, I'll always be here as a listening ear. So please feel free to contact me if you'd like.

    I hope things begin to look-up, and you may not see it just yet, but life is full of possibilities,

  11. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    life is shit, i know it could be better, but the fact is its NOT. It is day after day of hurt, sadness, guilt, shame and loneliness. That's it. Is that a life?
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    you know i get it

    we've both been running that way for a long time

    it hurts, it's nasty, and it sucks

    look, there's no way i will say that i understand everything you're going through because that would be a lie since i've never been through what you have

    i wish one of us could find that magic wand to rewind back to a point where things would have been different - let's both keep looking for it

    but in the meantime talk to us to share and talk to your therapist - tell him what your going through right now and if they're not being helpful tell them that too

    c'mon hon - you're a helluva lot stronger than i am - i know you can do it

    i have faith in you even if you don't
  13. Mattius459

    Mattius459 Member

    Wow, I didn't think you would take what I said that way. I was really only trying to help. I didn't mean to doubt what you were feeling. I've never been truly suicidal so I don't know how it would feel. I really wasn't trying to be judgmental in that way. I still believe most of what I have said is true though. It would be a life long burden for those who love you.
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree Swimmergirl life is shit.....it is a constant struggle for some but most of the time it's worth it..
    I've suffered with depression ( and suicidal thoughts) all my life so I get how you would be feeling...
    I always "knew" I wouldn't make 30 but here I am well into my 50s and having just lost my son to suicide am still here...
    I have stayed around all this time to be with the people I love and at times it hasn't been easy.....I put it down to the right meds and lots of therapy...
    my son refused to seek help and he is now gone...
    there have been 5 suicides in my family over 3 generations and I have seen the tragedy they left behind.....
    I know it seems like there is nothing to fight for but there is....life can be better..
    give it another try please....we care..
    I'm sure your family cares...
    stay safe...
  15. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I have been trying, i have been trying really fucking hard to get better, therapy, every med out there, group therapy, hospitals....been there done it. But, you know what, I still think about killing myself, I still feel horrendous pain, I still have no one in my life, i can't get over the abuse I suffered, and I cant go back into denial over it, I lost my job, about to lose my house, and I feel helpless to turn any of this around, I have no motivation any more, death seems like the only answer, and I am ashamed to say that, because it is a cowardly thing to do from the outside looking in, but it hurts too damn much to keep breathing when every damn morning I wake up and am pissed that I have to make it through another day. I literally start crying about two minutes after I wake up in the morning. And that is the best part of my day.
  16. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :console: :grouphug:
    i'm sorry ..
  17. Mattius459

    Mattius459 Member

    Do you get joy from anything anymore? Any particular songs that give you a few minutes of reprieve? Any movies that give you a little bit of hope? Are there any goals you still wish you could achieve? Are there any positive things in your life right now? Any at all?
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