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letters found after attempts

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chipper

Well-Known Member
#41
chipper, this thoughtfulness is one of the things you notice from most people on this forum. They tend to be the kindest, nicest people, whose primary concern is that they don't cause too much trouble for others, even when they are suffering terribly themselves.
Just read what you wrote there above, it shows a degree of caring for others that is missing from most people, this thought alone is enough to show that you are a caring, worthwhile human being, far better than the people who are hurting you, although your thoughtfulness for others probably wouldn't allow you to realise that.
Turn some of that thoughtfulness and kindness onto yourself mate, you're worth it, for sure.
John.
This is no BS. you're response made me feel better. thank you.

and the mere fact that you took the time out to write that means you are kind and caring too. you deserve to know that.
 
#42
I wrote a letter once, and all it said was for someone to look after my bunny when i was gone...all it got me was shipped to the hospital, as the letter apparently made them believe i intended on dying and therefore needed to be watched in a mental health unit. This was the only time I wrote a letter and I probably won't write one again if i try.
This is what I did, the only letter I ever wrote was to ask my mum to take care of my bun and wrote in detail the treats and food she eats/likes and then woke up in hospital and she showed the letter to the mental health team.
 

pppqp

Well-Known Member
#44
Initially, I saw no reason why I should leave a letter, but now I'm starting to see the significance of it as I become more resolute. I want my departure to cause minimal pain to people in my family so I'll remind them in words one last time that it's not their fault.
 
#45
I wrote mine on Facebook last night, so nobody I know could've failed to see it.

Total comments? 4. Total Calls? 0. Total E-mails? 0. Total Super-panicked home visits? 0.

And of those four comments, none said 'don't do it' in any way, shape or form. Even my 'best friend' just said '"stop being a douche" - like it as all a big joke to her.
 
#46
thats the thing with facebook most if not all the people you meet on there dont care about you. my so called facebook friends are the same they are only friends on face value i guess i dont think even one of them gives a damn about me all they care about is themselves
 

Shock

Well-Known Member
#47
I brought a pen and paper with me on the attempt but didnt write anything. I thought whats the point - not going to make any difference to me.
 

Anneinside

Well-Known Member
#48
When I am actively suicidal I don't even think about writing a note. All I can think about is dying. I also think about writing a will -- when I am well I don't do it because I think that it will increase the chance of possible suicide because it would be done and when depressed it is too much effort to write one.
 

Sais

Well-Known Member
#49
I wrote one after my best friend died some weeks ago, age 22. I wrote it just in case, for those who will be in pain if something happens or if I do it without thinking. I thought they will find it and will feel better. It say stuff like: you're not to blame, I just couldn't live anymore, explained what I could not have said in person, some thoughts for each one, giving them my love. I felt it was necessary because I would have loved if my friend did that, I needed it so much. It was like something I just had to do, to know it's there. After that, some days after it felt better, as if anything could happen, but the transition for the others, like parents and few friends, would be easier. I felt more free to do whatever I wanted.

(But god damn it! he just had to die! there, said it!)
 

truthhurts

Well-Known Member
#50
My case wasnt at all a 'spur of the moment' thing rly, it was well planned, i had the date set, and i wrote different notes because i wanted people close to me to know that it's not their fault at all, that it's all because of me. a couple of times i actually even practised writing notes at school during lessons, cause i was too tired to pay attention. i 'practised' writing them several times because it always felt like it didnt say enough, like just some empty words. i still have the 'final' note, though i destroyed all 'practised ones'. even though half a year has passed of it now, it still somehow makes my chest ache when i read it, cause it makes me recall how i felt at the time. nobody has found it though, and i dont rly think i'd show it to anyone rly, i think it wud just hurt them as things are now. im on my way to recovery tho, i kno death isnt the solution, it wont make anything better for anyone, not for others, not for me.
 
#51
I've never wrote a letter, mainly cause i wouldnt know what to write or who to write it to. If i died, no one would notice, probably wouldnt even be found until my rotting body starting making the place smell...
 

Amanda

Well-Known Member
#52
I didnt write a note either, and while my attempt was serious - At the hospital they said I would have died if it werent for the intervention by the police - It was also impulsive. However, if/when I attempt again, I think I will write something, not a note, more instructions on what to do with me, as I want certain things... For example I would like to be buried in Israel. And I dont think if I died my family would know that. So yeah, if I do it again I will write something, but no I was drunk, and impulsive and didnt write a note before.
 

Silverpuddle

Some kind of geek
SF Author
SF Supporter
#54
I tell my sister what I want done with my body and so on, since I know she'll understand. She's done the same with me. I once wrote all that garbage down, and she lost it. Now I just trust her memory.

Before my actual suicide attempt I didn't write anything, since it was so impulsive. Now, so long as my sister's alive, I don't have to worry about letting people know my final wishes.

As for writing letters to make people feel better--meh. Nothing will make them feel better, and they're likely to ignore what I want anyway. That's what they did when my grandfather died.
 
#55
I wrote a 'note' although as it was 10,000 words it can't really be called that. I started writing it as a book when I was manic, because I had switched from seriously suicidally depressed to manic over night and wanted to try and explain how I could want to kill myself, partly for myself as it is fairly confusing feeling to switch overnight. Once I returned to depression I kept writing and by the end it became my suicide note as a way to explain why I would kill myself.

After my attempt failed my husband and the friend who helped save me read it. It was difficult to let them, but at the same time it helped them to understand what was going on in my head. I think once someone knows that you tried to kill yourself letting them read the why makes sense, as for someone who has never been suicidal it is an incomprehensible act. I have since bravely given it to my psych... will get her reaction on Monday... which terrifies me.
 

pogosticker

Well-Known Member
#56
I wrote a letter during my first attempt at 16. After failing, I burned it. Nobody saw it.

My attempt last year, which was my first proper attempt, I didn't write one. I don't know why. I guess I didn't want to survive, and then have people read it. Plus, it was more impulsive than anything.

If/when I do it again - this time efficiently.. I will write a letter. I wouldn't want people forming their own opinions of why I killed myself (not that it would matter, since I'll be dead and all...) I'd want them to know WHY I did it - explain EVERYTHING.
 

Broken Wings

Well-Known Member
#57
When I was hospitalized the... second (?) time my mother found a letter I had written for my first suicide attempt (that she hadn't seen at the time). She brought it in to talk to the psychiatrist about with me.
I got so pissed that she had searched through my room (it had been in a drawer). I tore it up and refused to say anything for the rest of the session, to either of them.

A letter feels like a requirement to me.
I feel I at least owe these people an explanation of sorts.
Or at least to point out the fact that hey, I'm not being bullied or what have you into this, my counsellor is in no way responsible, etc.
I also find writing one can help calm me down enough to not actually attempt, so I have written a large number of them. Most of which I have deleted/burned by now.
 

Anneinside

Well-Known Member
#58
I have never actually written a note but I have thought about what I would put in it. I would write one note to my family telling them I care for them, one to my therapist and another to my psychiatrist to let them know they did all they could and not to feel responsible for my death. These are the people I care about and would want to make sure they weren't at fault.

I just finished my Advance Directive for Psychiatric and General Health Care. Each state has their own form. The psychiatric part tells how I want to be treated, what meds I wouldn't want, and things like that. The general health section mostly deals with end of life decisions like what you want done with your body, would you want to be put on a respirator and when you would want to be status of do not resuscitate. I am going to have it witnessed and notarized next week. Then I have to send a copy to the two people I put down as my agent, one to my clinic, and one to the hospital medical records. I'll keep the original. I still need to make a will but I put it off because it is a deterrent to my suicide not to have it done. So, I go back and forth between doing the will and not.
 

Anneinside

Well-Known Member
#59
One more thing... I always wonder how you can make sure your body is discovered without having it happen too early. I could disappear for two weeks before anyone would think anything about it. Do you mail the notes? Then what if you don't carry through?
 

Lovecraft

Well-Known Member
#60
I wrote many notes, although most of them I disposed of and I put off my attempt.

At least one was found. I've never heard anything about it. It was a brief note with brief instruction and apologies. I made those apologies in person shortly after the attempt as it happened. (It was an OD attempt, so I was in the process of absorbing the medication when I was found out.) After the whole dazed and unconscious act throughout the night because of the pills I woke up the next day and there was plenty of talking, but the note never came up. It wasn't where I left it though. My mother kept a lot of things from that point in my life - hospital discharge reports and the like. For all I know one day I'll be sorting out her estate and find it in a box of her keepsakes. I know of at least one piece of writing suicidal me wrote that she kept. (Wasn't a suicide note, just writing.)
 
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