letters wrote

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by steviegm, Sep 12, 2015.

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  1. steviegm

    steviegm Member

    well I've writen my letters to my family and a few friends that mattered to me ,I'm so ready to go peacefully but this sounds daft I don't know which way to go , <mod edit - methods> so I think I'll find comfort going that way out but I'll certainly not put anyone else at risk
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 12, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, just for reference suicide notes aren't allowed to be posted here so please don't post those letters. I am SO sorry you are feeling so low. Is there anything I can do to help you in some way? Do you want to talk about why you feel like ending your life. Please! Talk to us here x
     
  3. steviegm

    steviegm Member

    sorry I didn't realise it came across as a note to you guys I wasn't meant to be that way ,I've been fighting with myself for more that I can be bothered to remember ,I've not smiled for a very long time my family live 1500 miles away and I've no what you would say close friends I work 60 hours a week at work for a reasonable wage but since my partner and my daughter left me I'm struggling to make ends meet the last few months I've been really desperate went for 1 week without food last month I've now £5 in my pocket to last me 2 weeks before I get paid again don't know how I'm even going to get to work or eat
    my life went from a happy one to a life in the gutter very quickly I sleep no more than 2-3 hours a day in a living zombie at the moment and I don't know how or what to do anymore
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No worries, don't worry about it. That sure does sound incredibly tough. Even though your family are 1500 miles away is there any way they would help if you told them how you are struggling? I'm thinking not but it's worth a try to mention it. What do you think your choices are with suicide being out of the equation?
     
  5. steviegm

    steviegm Member

    family are very old fashioned and tell me to sort my own problems out .cant see an alternative to be honest I normally go 2-3 days at a time without food but now Im down to £5 to last 2 weeks not sure how I'm even going to get to work for the next 2 weeks ,I know my health is suffering with lack of sleep/food stress etc​
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Damn, yeah some of my family are old fashioned too in saying mental illness doesn't exist etc.. You just have to keep on trying and see how you can get past this next few weeks. Are there any work friends that can help you?

    I honestly am finding it difficult to suggest something that may work. 5 pound for 2 weeks is very daunting.
     
  7. steviegm

    steviegm Member

    if they did help me out I would struggle to repay them in one go tbh I dont have much left in the flat to sell my ex and my daughter took 90% of the stuff with them ​
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Ask and see if they will. A horrible as it sounds, tell them how desperate you are and that you will repay them over time if they an help you out. Whatever you do have in the flat try and sell it. You must live in a very expensive place, is moving an option?
     
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    What about asking church for some food to tide you over? Or soup kitchens ? ​
     
  10. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    If you want to message me with a location/postal code I will send you phone numbers and address of places to help with food and / or basic necissities. There is help available just need to ask/look for it and everybody needs help sometimes. When get things sorted back out and adjusted to expenses things will improve again but there is no need to go without food while getting things sorted and adjusting. The hard part is making yourself care enough to deal with it and for that you need to remember things are not always bad and they can and will get better.
     
  11. steviegm

    steviegm Member

    I've already been in contact with a helpline but because I'm in full time employment I'm not able to receive anything in handouts,the place where I have the flat is as cheap as I can get for the area I live in if I move closer to work then the rent goes higher beyond my means
     
  12. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Can you tell us what is making it financially so difficult? If you are working a 60 hour week, even if you were on minimum wage and not a 'decent wage' you should be taking home almost £1400 per month after tax. It sounds like you need budgeting help, as even on minimum wage, your earnings should be more than enough to live on. I lived in one of the most expensive areas of the country and earned £900/month take home and it was awful but I scraped by.
     
  13. steviegm

    steviegm Member

    I work 60 hours a week but get paid for 36 hours crazy isn't it
     
  14. BlueBlue

    BlueBlue Active Member

    That is crazy! What kind of work are you doing?
     
  15. BlueBlue

    BlueBlue Active Member

    There is also a law here in the UK that states you're not suppose to be forced to work more than 48 hours a week.
     
  16. steviegm

    steviegm Member

    yeah I know about the 48 hr ruling but we had to sign out of it at my work place ,
    lets see if got general bills car finance,car running costs petrol insurance tax etc house rent ,rates etc a loan that's is my ex that's in my name that I now have ownership of a few other things and then on top I've it all I'm now paying csa for my daughter basically my income will not cover everything I've got going out ,funny how things can go tits up within months
     
  17. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    If income will not pay then will not. You prioritize - rent food vehicle- child maintenance. Rest if get paid okay - if not then they do not - Is not like you have to worry about credit since cannot buy anything more now anyway as you cannot afford. It is stressful for sure but there are places to help with that too, and are far from first person to run into issues with bills. Other thing is find different job obviously- If working hours of 2 jobs but paid for one clearly is waste of your energy and while not perfect we are long way from the no jobs time of few years ago too. The whole trick is to look realistically at what things tyou can change and change those instead of look at the whole "mess of things" at once where it is too much altogether. As you get things fixed one thing at a time it will become tolerable and bearable again.
     
  18. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    CSA is only typically 12% of your wage. If your loan is in your ex's name why do you have ownership of it? You need to contact the money advice service or citizens advice and get help with budgeting and paying down debts at a manageable rate. You say you earn a decent wage so it should be possible to rearrange your finances so you do not have to struggle for food etc.

    If you signed to opt out of the 48 hour limit you can cancel that at any time legally. Simply submit a letter in writing to say that you are exercising your right to a 48 hour limit on your work week.
     
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