Letting go of someone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by yd4, Oct 3, 2011.

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  1. yd4

    yd4 Member

    Why is it so hard to let go of someone when they don't care half as much about you as you do to them. Why do we want to love the people that don't love us?

    Why do we hold onto the few memories we have of these people as if the few memories make all the pain worth enduring for the possibility of them maybe giving you a chance in the future?

    Why can't people put a little effort into keeping in touch with you when you just want to be a real friend to them if anything?

    Why do people toss your feelings aside and simply not care how you feel?

    Why is it so hard to find someone who is looking for a relationship? It seems like everyone good already has a relationship.

    Why is loneliness so hard to deal with?

    Why don't people realize a simple hello twice a month can change a person's world?

    I'm tired of wanting to love people that aren't available.

    I'm tired of being down.

    Why is it that all I want is to have someone to hold and love in this life?

    Why is it that that alone is the only thing I really desire?

    Am I desperate? Far from it, but there aren't many opportunities to meet women around me.

    I think I'm destined to be alone for god knows how many more years.

    I just wish I could forget about this girl but I know I wont in my whole life. I'm starting to get over her but I just feel like what a wasted opportunity to love someone.

    I tried my best but maybe its time to let go.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I am with you on a lot of that. I struggle to understand the way I feel and how others feel.. how others' individual minds work and how mine does. I'm really sorry to hear that you aren't with the girl you love.
  3. yd4

    yd4 Member

    Thanks for the response. Well, I might not be able to be with the girl I'd like to love but I am starting to come to peace with that. All I want is someone kind and I'll be happy. It's not worth it to beat yourself up over things you cannot control. Better to find someone who will love you back. The hard part is what to do in the mean time.... I guess the only thing you can do is prepare yourself for the future like getting your career set and stuff like that.

    Anyways. Life will get better if you just have hope.
  4. Lana

    Lana Well-Known Member

    I think you have a lot of insight and I can relate to what you're saying. I'm in the process of letting some people go. It's taking a while, but in the long run, it's best. A part of them will always be there, but we don't have to let them weigh us down. I believe you will find someone who cares about you as much as you care about her.
    Take care
  5. yd4

    yd4 Member

    Thanks for your words. I think you hit it right on the head I will find someone who cares about me as much as I cared about her. and when that happens I'll make sure that person knows I care about them equally as much.

    Life goes on after let downs, that's what you have to remember.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Romantic love - its the kind of love that has to be a 50/50 deal no question.

    I mean - you need to love each other basically the same amount - thereabouts. Give or take a percentage. 49% - 51% will work - but 20% - 80% - not.

    Sadly - there is NO way of knowing if a women's love for you (speaking as a man) is equal to yours - not until she slips a wedding band on her hand and says '"I do" - For me - and many others - that's still perhaps the only way you'd be certain!

    But - you may be 16 and thinking "bloody hell I only want a date for the Christmas ball!" lol - sure. You can marry her later maybe.

    Moving in with someone - in this day and age it usually happens before marriage - usually, but not always. But someone moving in can pack up the bags any-time - and there is no process of divorce. Maybe the responsibility both have to each other is not as great as it would be if they had at least agreed on a set of rules - which marriage provides all the basics of.

    Other rules - may work - but centuries of careful thought over the issue sway me.

    Thing is - NEVER get bitter over a women who refuses your advances. She likely thinks your a nice guy and has a nice word for you - so don't spoil that which would make her tell all her girlfriends you were 'dodgy'.

    If a woman does not love you back - don't blame her - its just a process all women have - at the root - I guess she might just be saying she cannot see you being the father of her kids and so on. That's not a personal sleight on you - she is being kind - and be glad if a women at least had the grace to say that although she 'loves' you - its not 'the love of her life - and its sad - sure - but no reflection on you as a man.

    I don't know what the odds are of meeting the right women. Are they as high as we think? Because most people find the love of their life - usually nearby! Plus - that one women you think you will love - is it just the one? Maybe there might be many women you'd get on great with - we find one and assume its the only one in the world for us.

    Well - I always think it is - but so far its not been - but I'm not crying the blues about it and think being single has advantages that married people do envy us for! I'm talking about your time - that open diary - you can use time if you have it.

    t also occurs to me that sometimes - the demands of love can be too much and make me have less love for others.

    If your a man don't be fooled into the notion women are goddesses - don't put them on a pedestal - they are human beings and some need reminding of that. Sure they are special - but so are you! And make sure any women you are with treats you as such - assuming of course you reciprocate things.

    If you have not found Mr Right or Mrs Right - well I'm 47 and have not found one of those either. If I killed myself - I'm sure a few women would be weeping and a wailing at the funeral. Sure - some will throw back their heads and wail - I'm hoping someone actually waves their arms in the air - lol. Well - thing is - I'm not planning to 'whack' myself - take out a hit or contract on me just because its a BAD DAY -r maybe a BAD YEAR.

    Well it is bad year really - talking to my bro - he was drinking - and he said "Its been a sh** year".

    Fu**** killjoy. STFU - lol.

    Well - its not the best year - sure - but if I killed myself now then next year may have been THE year for me! Win the girl - fight the baddies and save the world - or a few more souls therein.

    But I need a band really.

    And really ought to write a classic book as its in my blood. But I'd still be here if I got famous - in fact a book would be better than a band as you could be obscure - and never do interviews and book signings or do I use the platform of publicity to say something - we will see.

    Hopefully do a degree also. I'm being stalled by imbeciles who file nails instead of filing various applications on my behalf.

    I got all sorts of plans and even option - plus 'worse case scenarios' which is actually just me in jail. I'll still post on the forum don't worry about that! But the bas**** might stop me going out the country! Depends what I write. And its worse case scenario. But its easy really - ask any member here about UK jails versus the foreign jails of the world!

    Plus I got people I take care of - parents mainly - everyone else - can do their own thing I guess.

    I guess I'd be ideal for women who want a man but not one sat next to them on the sofa forever. They are fun at first - but give it ten years - wait till he whispers sweet nothings in your ear when YOUR TV programme comes on! your going to blindside him with a big heavy pan - I Recommend a wok. He may shout wok the fok? Bang! - TV programme continues in peace.

    I think the key to success in the long term is both of you having lives outside of your relationship.

    The BEST ways to get a women out of your mind are to at first accept you have the blues - you got the blues on a number of levels. Short term - a couple of weeks - you got the blues because you no longer have her in your bed - no more Thursday night love festival - or how many nights you can be there. Generally I'd be there every night until it ends depending on her needs. Visiting a women - now and again - a guy has surely got another women stashed away or is not interested that much.

    But forgetting her? Easy really - I just think about the next man - and think of the word NEXT. A man feels jealousy - so use that - entertain the notion for a little bit and put it to sleep. IF you cannot get a women out your mind - and she no longer wants you - it hurts to think of her with another man - but it ensures you don't think about her too much!

    Me and my mates are 'cruel' to each in that regard. If a relationship is over and one of the lads does weep those blues a little bit too much - he will be facing some cruel but humorous observations as to what the 'love of his life' is doing right now.

    Sure its extreme CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) - but good if you can get out with a few buddies. I mean losing a woman is good and bad - its bad in the short term - good in the long term as ANY relationship is potentially long term if the women gets pregnant. Bear in mind - your sexual drive is not about you having fun - that is the reward - not the actual reason.

    So - the choices we makes over partners or lovers (partners sounds like a shady business deal!) - its down to whether you think a man would be a father or a woman a mother.

    I can always accept in the end that being 'knocked back' (that's the local term for being dumped) is nothing personal - its a major choice a woman makes - even a 'casual' relationship - women have that psychology about relationships - men generally do not. We do not get pregnant so our choices are often based entirely on sexual partners for entertainment - more so when younger. This is OK if both partners are emotionally stable to handle that set-up - but usually one wants more than the other and as you grow older emotional needs do become more important than physical ones. I talk to my mates about this - we are men but not kids anymore. We are honest about that - to each other. So it helps to have that.

    Its not just me who would refuse the invitations of 100 forward women to walk hand in hand with one I have an emotional connection to.

    But I've always liked to sit up all night a women - and just talk! For that first night - I guess its a lucky dip - if she is a talker - and a thinker - you might be able to confess the blues.

    But if its just back to my place - cup of coffee? (The little white lie as cover) and no mention of a date (this is the date - or the latter half without the chance to get to know her) then sure its fun - better than painting your living room I would wager - but sometimes you wished you had painted the living room - and a day later your not feeling any less blues anyhow.

    So - I can see that path - join some dating website - and end up with an STD so I can brag about it in the local pub?

    If I caught an STD I'd take her for a moonlight walk alright! To the quicksand! OK - no I would not - and - takes two to get STD's up - right?

    Well - if you had caught something bro - you'd get her out of your mind easily - lol - no offence there - nothing implied! Just having a bit of fun - and also reminding people out there - especially men - and younger men - that you could 'gift' a lady with infertility or cancer - by virtue of you having something. How would you know? Go for the basic test - we just get a blood sample taken - simple stuff - and although its not very romantic - well - this is part of love that bring you down to earth and might make you think twice about throwing caution to the reckless wind with passion.

    Easy to do - for me - a few beers. So I avoid drink - and evil minded women - but possible a not so nice one might slip past my own defences but never my bros and mates. Not a chance. And my sisters discerning eyes and minds. Even ages 47 - no way can ANY man be an expert on women - we all have the potential to fall for - well the kind of women who would be at home on Jerry Springer! So - watch it!!! Get a second opinion because she might not be so sweet.

    Or he for that matter - so girls need mates to kind of ensure that no creep slips under the love radar and into your home and bed!

    But its funny how people get into your mind. Lovers always! Friends though - I got people in my mind all the time that I think of and hope they are doing ok. Family obviously. But lovers more so as you choose them - and most of the love we have is given freely - well it should be that way and for those who never had that my heart goes out for you it truly does.

    But - what goes into the mind - can go out again. Think of all the women you did love maybe - or ones you thought you might have - and so on. I got to say my mind is not crowded with ex lovers - thank the God! In fact - in time - even the women you almost lost your mind for - you will look back zen like and SEE that is was likely just passion.

    I do confess that for me one girl in particular was hard to let go of. When we met - the stars winked down - the night held all the promises of spring - she got to me big time - I'm talking like - even my guitar compared her - there was a moment I thought she was better.

    So - we went rock climbing - tragic stuff - a loose rock, arrrggghhh - grabbed hold of her hand but she was weighed down with a heavy backpack - so I held on and on - but realised that if I held on much longer that I'd fall over with her and die. I loved her more than myself - thought about us dying together and thought about how that might mean some band had no guitarist and maybe singer. So I let her go - and it was hard - I mean I had to watch her fall!

    But the alarm clock went off and it was all a dream!

    So I get out of bed and look in the old mirror for the traditional morning look in the mirror - and the pointing of the finger and wink!

    I will say something at that point....

    "The world IS wrong and you are right"

    "you look good - any woman who ends up with you is blessed!"


    "7 billion people - but only one of me "

    Sometimes, when my enemies have encompassed me and harass me usually via solicitors letter as my enemies are powerful which makes me more cool than a guy who maybe picked on ordinary people...

    "their foot shall slide in due course!"

    Anyone done evil to you - trust me - they might seem like they enjoying life - even though they almost destroyed yours - but all things move towards their end - the physical end that. And for some of us - who do not change our ways - it may pass that when we die - its a case of our foot sliding - a choice taken in life that was selfish and self-serving and hurt others. So - even if you have depression bad - please treat others nicely - leave people with a nice word and if you cannot do this - well - say nothing and don't leave them with a bad word at least!

    I dream of a world in which people were at least nice to other. But - maybe life has to have the choices of good and evil - right and wrong - otherwise none of us would be anything but robots. And the hard part of life is that even the innocent can be harmed. Free choice always does this but most people thankfully are good - flawed perhaps - but few wish to cause harm. Most just blunder about and cannot communicate very well - all we have is words and often its hard to put feelings into words. Love is a prime example - but the great artistes and writers do a decent job of explaining things. So if i lose a women I listen to lots of music for sure. Even if I keep her - the same thing! But I know more songs about love going wrong - and like them as it keeps people on the hop - makes lovers think a bit more if I sing about things going real bad!

    I'm just trying to enable things. You play a guitar - you have to hope yo write a song that some lover somewhere - who lost someone - might listen to 100 times and go to your gig!

    Songs for falling in love - songs for being n love - and good old songs for falling out of love.

    Anyhow - good luck with love - its always a risk of sorts but you can lesson your risk by applying basic common sense before your too besotted to have any sense! And falling on love - you can lose it - in a funny way with me - accidents, - a nervous wreck before a first date - but confident at the same time. Is that good? lol - usually works - I mean spilling the wine - turning up on LSD - or epically stoned - ordering a cake for starters - and talking to people on other tables - loudly - so its like everyone looking at you (and her) but - oh well - maybe I've changed since I went on dates. And we have cars now not horses and carts. And the pill - instead of having to write 500 sonnets and woo a lady just to kiss her!

    So - hope reading this got some of her or him out of anyone's head! I do hope so! and lets be honest - if they did not love you like you loved them - this is for the best. Better to end now as maybe you'd get deeper into love as she gradually grew less in love with you. Thank her for saying something - some women will just use you - its common - your a stopgap man until the next lover-boy turns up.

    I think a lot of people end up in relationships like this - which is not something I'd judge anyone for - yet at the same hand if a person knows they don't really love you they ought to say so. But with a lot relationships casual - and no love professed - at best its a stopgap - at worse your diverted into that lifestyle and get a scale of decreasing return with respects to being satisfied. The more partners you have - the more your DNA is expecting a family - and children which are always the primary objective of any sexual liaison in nature. Modern society puts its own spin on sex because I've said before it sells!

    Even the movement to liberate women - by creating 'career women' the powers that be see more taxes - nobody up top gives a second fiddle for women's rights. Most women get power through having a family - a nice power - a purpose. Even families are getting smaller as middle classes have less kids. Funny how the poorest have more kids - some moan at this - something about paying taxes - well - I think poor people know the government is not going to look after you - but children - they will.

    Anyhow - all this talk of too many children is a lie - because now we have immigration to get more children. So all along the government lies - says we need less kids - then, oh no! We need more - but lets bring some ready made.

    Just out of interest - how many younger girls her - in their teens early twenties - would like to have 4 or more children? Well - you can have a career and be a mum - but you have to wait till the kids are all aged 7 or so - and you need babysitters! Family or friends - not paid ones! And 100% trustworthy. I'm just making the case for a family being a good thing. And that its natural for anyone 18 to think that way. Years ago many girls would say they wanted lots of kids - now I think the schools kind of play that down as if getting a degree and a top job is more important than being a mum. Well - its not! Ask anyone who has a good mum whether they wished she would have not had a family!

    But fair enough I'm 47 have no children and its actually quite good! I have my own place - I can cook and look after myself - I can start a band - go anywhere I feel like going. Write a book. I love peace and quiet - got to say - but I'd deal with the noise of kids and like noise also and a bit of insanity going on around me.

    Not everyone is going to get married and have kids. Don't let me put a downer on you - its not the be all and end all of life. History is not going to remember people who just had children - you got to do something special to get in the books. Something radical to make it matter. Working for whatever plc as a loyal worker counts for little really - that's not who you are - your job I mean - but for some it may be for good reasons so enjoy!

    I'm married to my work in a way - but the fruits of my labour are not always there for public show.

    Anyhow - hope you forgot what is was that got you down by now!

    I'm not even sure of the original issue - I understand it - but unsure why we even bother thinking about someone who had the audacity to not like us!

    How dare they!

    Another good song...

    One night she left me alone in my bed
    by the next morning I wished I was dead
    two weeks later she was still in my head
    in a file marked 'ex lovers' covered with dusty cobwebs"

    Cheers for the inspiration.


    A long post!

    Hope there is enough good stuff in there to outweigh anything that is perhaps just there to take your mind off whatever or see something to think about instead.
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