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Letting go the RIGHT way....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sofie, Apr 24, 2016.

  1. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I feel like I am caught in this cycle of severe depression/anxiety climbing up to "okay" or even "good", only to fall back to severe depression/anxiety. I have been in this cycle before but it was YEARS ago but I am in month six of this cycle and I am realizing that while I there is a chemical component to this cycle -- meaning I do have depression and anxiety which I need medication for - the majority of this is simply me choosing to handle emotions poorly....making bad decisions and having this repeating cycle. I know I am able to not be in this cycle -- I did it for years so now I just need to let go. There are so many ways to let go....the one that comes to mind most often is permanently letting go, life-ending. But I can choose to let go a more 'normal'/'right' way but just pulling my sh*t together. Why is that so hard? Why do I feel like I WANT to stay in this cycle? What is it about this cycle that appeals to me? Does anyone relate to this? Am I crazy? Am I borderline personality disorder? Am I just dysfunctional???? I feel lost as to what exactly is wrong with me....how crazy am I?
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hi Sofie, I don't think you're crazy. I'm just wondering if you had a specific incident that triggered this last bout of depression/anxiety? I know for me, mine was pretty much under control with antidepressants and anti anxiety medication, then my Mother passed away, this was a really stressful time and I kind of fell apart after that(about 8mnyhs ago) so I know that a stressful experience can kind of overload our system and cause it.
  3. Flying Fox

    Flying Fox SF Supporter

    You're not crazy! What you are feeling is perfectly natural and, now, and most people in your situation, and if they don't . . . then . . . they don't feel as we do. I relate with you perfectly, and the endless dipping in and out of the cycle does not help either. Especially since it affects our emotions and our judgement - so many times I've been close to making decisions only to during my upswings be happy not to have gone through with them. Not to say that our judgement can't be sound during times of depression.
    I am sorry that you are going through this again. It is good that you have been able to rise above this before, and can do again. *huggles* Facing real life and those tough decisions is one of the hardest things we can do; it is less painful and easier to do otherwise. I feel you, and hope that you start feeling better.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I agree, you are not crazy!

    It can actually become 'comforting' to be in that cycle... because you're used to it, and it can seem very tough and difficult to get out... so no, you're not crazy.
    Are you seeking any help to get out of this loop though? You've already taken a big step by realizing it in the first place.

    I wish you all the luck with getting better, I know you can do it again! Be good to yourself. You deserve that!
  5. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    No, nothing that I can pinpoint as a trigger. My depression stays at a low level until these periods hit and I can fall into a deep, suicidal depression easily and quickly. It is like my automatic reaction to things at this point. But I am on an antidepressant and have klonopin for moments of extreme anxiety, and that helps. Thanks for your kind words...I do feel like I am going crazy though.
    Brian777 likes this.
  6. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Anxiety can make you feel like you're going crazy. I had no idea just how bad it could get.
  7. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Honestly, it is not that I am happy about not doing it, ever,....I just am no longer determined to do it.

    Thank you for saying I am not crazy :) I hope you are right.
  8. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    God yes! Anxiety makes me question my sanity often.
    Brian777 likes this.
  9. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    You are right about the comfort factor. With this cycle, I know what to expect and how to handle it....changing the cycle kind of scares me.