The last time I wrote down my thoughts like this, it cost me dearly. Throughout my life I have felt ostracized and useless. I have done many things in my life, from joining the army to getting married. I feel like I'm wasted space. I even hear my mother complaining about me since my divorce. I've lost everything. I work very hard and fight as long as I can to keep from getting overwhelmed. It doesn't work. I've tried taking to people about how I felt, but I never felt a connection where I thought anyone really cared. I know my family loves me. I know it would hurt my living family. I've even looked into ways where I would disappear into the forest and nobody would really know what happened. Not that I want to kill myself, but just not exist. I just want to let go.