Letting it all out...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Petal, Feb 21, 2015.

  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Just like the title says, pissed off at myself. I have had a chest infection for about a week (sorry for my absence). Missed an appointment on Tuesday with the stomach consultant, missed psychiatric appointment on Thursday., missed diet class yesterday.

    My G.P is going to be pissed at me. I'm feeling better today which is a plus but I do not have anything constructive to do. Sometimes I feel like a child and feel the people around me should help me but they aren't. I am suppose to have a social worker but I don't. I want to drive ad have independence, I want to move out and get a job but have no skills and I'd be scared living alone.

    1 great thing this past week though is no pain at all. I hope it stays that way and I am not depressed just lost.
    Just feel I need someone to literally tell me what to do.

    Regarding the driving , im on too many medications to drive plus I don't have the money. I just....I try to be the best person I can be but always end up alone no matter what.

    I have a college interview next month. Pre-paramedic course which im looking forward to.

    Need to lose a considerable amount of weight, I have lost 10lb in the past 2 weeks and probably more as I missed diet class yesterday.

    I have an infection on my scalp which I believe is from the fever from the chest infection. All symptoms have died down now thank goodness.

    My sister is treated much better than I am, she's 23 has a law degree, has been on over 10 holidays this past year. Yes I am jealous and annoyed that I can't have the same independence, my family do have real concerns for me though because of my attempts in the past but am I not allowed to move on from that? Can they not see I have changed.

    Feeling very alone, I always have to talk to others first, maybe they don't even want to talk to me at all.
    I try SO hard but don't seem to get anything back. :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Bump... :embarassed:
  3. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    You're feelings are normal, anyone in your situation would feel frustrated and jealous. I have an older brother who has a successful business, I actually look up to him rather than feel jealous though. I would like that, to make it on my own however I can. Feelings of anxiety or more troublesome for me, the best thing I can do to alleviate that is to get out of the house and meet people.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thank you. Hmm interesting maybe I should take that stance and look up to her as being a role model. It's disheartening and frustrating though, because of or differences we very rarely talk now...my fault, she did pop into my bedroom last night to say hi though which was nice. She has so much motivation and energy and achievements that it's hard not to be jealous, but I will try what you suggested, thanks :hug:
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I asked my sister yesterday if we could go for a chinese meal today, she said yes. Today she never made any contact and yes i know as fact there was no real reason she didn't contact me. I called her once and no answer.I was left feeling very disappointed :(
  6. SynapseR

    SynapseR Member

    Well Petal, I can relate to your feelings regarding your family.

    In these past three months, I had 2 suicide attempts. I understand that the idea of suicide can be very scary but I'm much better now: I've been going to the gym, I've been studying hard at school, I've been attending more social events.

    However, I still feel like my family does not trust me completely, they overreact over some personal comments or sporadic events. I can be very frustrating, I sort of feel like they don't really care about what I truly feel or desire.

    Now, about your specific situation: you have been loosing weight, you are going to attend an interview for college. I think you are making great progress! The chest infection is temporary and the missed appointments are a minor hurdle.

    You want to someone to tell you what do? Just keep your current schedule and reach out for support in these forums whenever you need :)

    I believe that only time and persistence will resolve your situation with your family (as mine), meanwhile, try to connect to different people.

    I wish you a full recovery and good luck for the interview.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Synapser, that was an excellent reply and has made me feel so much better. It sucks when you're not trusted while knowing you can be trusted. As you said, it is frustrating.
    You are right-I am making progress.
    Your reply has made me feel tons better and thank you so much for reading and supporting me.
    Thank you for the well wishes and thanks for the encouragement, I appreciate it a lot. I hop the same for you :hug: