Will probably only make sense to me and vikki so feel free to ignore me, just rambling out the shit that's filling my brain at the moment. Di, yeah, so why exactly did it surprise me so much? she had a terminal illness that she's had for years. she was on oxygen. she was in a wheelchair. why is her death so shocking? it's not just me though, vikki feels the same. odd aint it :unsure: i am heartbroken for her grandchildren. i keep reading their myspace profiles and their bulletins, each one getting sadder...like it's finally hitting them or something. i remember being there a year ago and it hurts like hell. and i was so much older than them. why a post mortem? why is that necessary? we know what caused it. why put her family...her husband, her kids, her grandchildren, through that?? cant face another funeral at that church. i dont know why, ive been there loads of times since...but i dont want her funeral to be there too. it would be too sad. not looking forward to another funeral as it is. its been a year.... --- why did i do that? i knew the answer, so why ask? i guess ii wanted the answer to be different :unsure: i cant explain it, i know it was my idea, but i think i wanted someone to say no. someone to tell me that i was better than i think i am. maybe i'm not?