Letting it Consume Me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Prof.Bruttenholm, May 18, 2011.

  1. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    My anger.
    For so long in my life I tried holding it back.

    I won't, I gave in recently, why shouldn't I?

    Giving into my anger has been great, like a warm blanket, I accept that I hate every single person that exists, I accept that I will never find love, that I hate myself and always will, that I am ugly, scary, strange and useless.
     
  2. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Do you want a personal account from other people on anger? I dont want to piss you off by offering a view on it.
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    ..............
     
  4. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Jolly good...
     
  5. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Say whatever you like.

    My hate and rage is like a cloak.
     
  6. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Thus that begs the question, what is the purpose of this thread?
     
  7. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    This is under "Let it all out".
    So I am.

    Or is this against suicide forum rules? If so, go on, go tattle to a forum admin and get this thread closed.
    I am sure others will be on soon enough to post and give me a good talking to, etc.

    So far only two people have ever really taken the time to talk to me and understand me but hey, whatever.

    http://www.heahea.org/871-Weird
     
  8. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Well... for me personally anger is a great tool for motivating myself and giving myself energy. But the problem with it as itself only is it's narrow and overwhelming, and it blocks out alot of other feelings, which makes me ignorant to the good parts of life, because im just responding and seeing the worst parts of life.

    Im teaching myself to feel.. more than just anger. That the strength anger gives isnt restricted to it alone.

    I could go on and on, but basically just maybe, give other feelings a chance to exist when anger is there. Cause Id worry that it will smuther the best parts of you that maybe, in itself, anger is saying shouldnt exist because of some reason or another.

    Hope that's not coming off as disrespectful, i know feelings are very different for the person. So I dont really know how anger is for you. If you want to talk about it, ill respond :) If not, no worries, just hope... well. yeah. Whatever works mate :) To each his own.
     
  9. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    You don't understand but that is okay, I didn't expect anyone too.

    I won't explain.
     
  10. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    So then you're looking for more additions to your tally of 2? How amusing that you would desire understanding considering you hate everyone that exists.
     
  11. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Well, to be fair, im only speaking from one perspective of my anger, at this time. I've gone through alot of anger and it's development, and how it relates and affects my life.

    I won't "understand" your situation, and no one will really, if you don't try to talk about it. I mean, i dont know if you want anyone to understand, maybe you like to think your anger is unique, which it is to a degree, and want to keep it just for you. I dont know. Maybe you dont know how to explain it, or maybe youre waiting for someone to explain their anger so you can find someone that may be able to understand you.

    Idk. I just know that, it's very difficult to try and talk to you because you dont try and explain yourself, but you post threads alot about how frustrated and angry you are. I suppose you're dealing and coping on your own, and I can only assume you are tired of trying to get help, and are just using this place to vent.

    All I can say is, .. well.. Don't cut other people too short just because they say one thing about something. it doesnt mean they can't understand, or havent gone through something similar, but are at a different place now.

    Idk what else to say. You know exactly whats going on on your end. If you want to talk to someone about it, or in general about a feeling, you can. But you are going to have to put a little bit of effort in for people too, we're grasping at invisibility. Atleast I am. but if you gave people a little chance, atleast in a general sense, maybe someone can offer you a view that you are shunning off or unaware of.

    In anycase, i hope you are feeling ok. You might say you feel horrible, and you may be, but regardless, i still hope through that, that you feel ok. Idk, I dont think you give yourself enough credit. And I really honestly think your anger is protecting yourself, but it is covering the best parts of your life and dreams through protection and shear association. And as a result not letting the best parts of you breath. Or maybe other things in your life are doing that, or other feelings are doing that.

    it's difficult to say. I dont know why you are so angry at yourself. Or more importantly, why you think you have to be, and why you think you have to define your future and other peoples with so much anger. What are you afraid of? .. or if that's too far down.. what pisses you off about life so much that it's allowing you to think and be like this?

    Thought id ask. who knows..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 20, 2011
  12. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    To Datura: You're exactly what I expected.

    To Axiom: It doesn't matter. I am going to stop posting, once I do, you'll forget about me and then it won't bother you, then it won't matter.
     
  13. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    im sure you had another thread like this the other day :unsure: sorry your feeling bad - here if u want to talk :hug:
     
  14. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    It's up to you. But the place is always open and people will try to talk with you. It just helps if you open up a bit, about it.
    The problem is.. regardless of what people think, you do matter. With or without them. And besides, I don't usually forget people I talk to. Nor do many others.