letting it out... Don't know where to put it...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by depressedGirl, Jul 4, 2009.

  1. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    I don't think I can stay on here for long. I am snapping at people on here now. I don't know why I did it today and now I feel really guilty. I just want to die. I am probably posting on the wrong forum bit but I am always so depressed that I feel envy for anyone who can be happy. No matter where I go noone really understands me. I have never felt so alone and seperated from people like I do. The last time I was happy was two years ago. Next December it will be 3 years. I don't think I will ever be happy... At least not truly. I have days where I am simpily ''ok'' but at the back of my mind I am never happy or hyper. I have days where I have some energy but still I isolate myself. Not that I have friends in Nuneaton UK anyway. Who would want to be friends with me?
    Don't get me wrong I have two ''friends'' that come and see me and then talk about how pathetic, worthless, useless and weird I am after they have been to see me. They talk about me behind my back. Weird cause I like pain. I like hurting myself on purpose. Weird cause I keep trying and failing to end my life cause I hate it so much. Ok I might be 19 years old but so what? What makes a difference? I am never going to be happy. What is the point in trying suicide just so I can keep failing and in more despair? Yet at the same time the urge to do it is so strong.

    Yes I do have scars on my arms but so what? I get so stressed out that I don't know what to do anymore. I am no longer suicidal cause like I said whats the point? I'll only fail. All I do now is lay in bed hoping I will just die cause then noone would have to put up with me. If the person I snapped at is reading this then I am so sorry. I will now unsubscibe and then not even you will have to deal with me...
    I am so sorry you even have to listen to me.

    Good bye and take care all... I will miss the suicide forum cause it was my favourite. It made me feel less alone but I can't keep snapping at you all. Thanks for the support...
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Della :hug:

    You don't ahve to apologise for anything, we all have our bad days.
    Please don't leave SF. You'd be missed :sad:

    I think you should cut off contact with your ''friends''. You are a lovely person and you would be able to find friends that would appreciate you. Don't give up x
  3. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    Don't think I can bear leaving SF... Thanks...
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    We all have bad days when we can snap at people. Don't feel bad about that. People here should understand that. We are here to support each other. There is no reason why you should leave the forum. I've had fall outs with some people here and that is a shame but as in the outside world we can't get along with everyone. I've also made some dear friends who have helped and supported me when I have been in those really dark places. Without SF I don't think I would still be here. Best wishes .
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    That why I hate the real world. I hate the idea of people hating me for no reason. :(
  6. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    I hate life altogether. I wish I would sleep and never wake up again...