Letting it out...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Beachboy, Apr 23, 2007.

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  1. Beachboy

    Beachboy Well-Known Member

    I have done very well over the last few months.

    I did think I was suffering from Seasonal Adjusted Disorder which explained my low spirits every winter and kind of decided that was the answer to all my problems. Then after recieving medication from my doctor and lining up counselling I suddenly went the other route, decided I didn't have Seasonal Adjusted Disorder, that medication was not the answer, that I was just plain moaning, that I had a lot going for me in my life and that I should be happy with what I had.

    The sun started coming out, the days started getting longer, my fiends said I was doing really well, I went on a holiday to Antigua and I am going to New York next month. I've even been decorating rooms in my home and thinking about future projects.

    And then today it has come back. Well it has been simmering for the last few days but today that old feeling has reared its head and I am in a slight state of panic. So many times I have been in this situation so I know the routine. I feel a combination of being tired, disjointed, lack of focus which then moves onto confusion, feelings of loneliness, intense guilt, self-hatred and so on.

    The stupid thing is I don't know what to do. I have thought about phoning a couple of friends of mine but to say what?! I am down again? I feel I will just be imposing, that I would have failed, that all my power positive thinking would have been in vain. I have to keep going... but it is there almost taunting from the side lines.

    So there you go. Old stuff for those that know, me using the SF rooms to sound off which I am always grateful for but I am drawing a blank. Depression is maybe a reminder to me that things in my life are unresolved. I am adept at denying through working lots of hours (60 to 70 hours a week) or drinking but I have cut back on them recently. I don't feel suicidal. I just know I am heading for a fall.

    It is like being at a party and there is no sound. Like watching a sunset with no colour. Like smelling a rose but no scent.

    Thanks for reading.
  2. Flight

    Flight Well-Known Member

    I can empathise...
    Hopefully the depression will go away as unexpectedly as it came. Emotions are a tricky, tricky bunch. Too bad they didn't listen to reason, hm? :dry:

    In my experience those feelings can come and go like the tides.

    Maybe it would help to focus on something simple for now - a movie you love, some music, or just head out for a walk/drive... that sometimes helps me put my thoughts back onto order. Also, call your friends up and just let them know you are having a bad week. Don't feel like you have to hide it from them, just hang out with them a while if you want to.

    Take it easy on yourself, and take care!
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