Umm well i dont post here often but when i do its usually just to get some things off my mind that for various reasons cant discuss with people who know how messed up my head acctually is. So ive had a shockingly bad day, I messed my hand up last week and due to the company i work for having a stupid sick leave policy i've been going in and doing a fairly physical job and living on pain killers to get through it as a result i spent most of the day belittling co-workers and generally being a horrible person During my lunch i had to go to the dentist so didnt get a proper break from things today just to find out i need some work done so everything ive actually earnt today i have to instantly pay out for that. My therapys at an end too and although ive been feeling better thru it now its over all the coping techniques i learnt seem to be non effective which leads me into my complete inability to calm myself down tonight, got home 5 hours ago and i have no idea at all what i did for the first 3 hours... complete memmory loss??? then i started talking to someone i know and shes like yea we need to hangout soon then gave me a complete bullshit list of reasons for every day over the next 10 days as to why she cant, starting to wonder why im even friends with someone like that? if they had just been honest n said no i dont feel like it then i would understand. I need to cry but cant so instead il be up all night to do it all again tommorow on even less sleep and feel a whole lot worse for it.